Old Pakonians vs Norsemen FC

Old Parkonians vs Norsemen FC

Fairlop

Saturday 16th April 2011

3.00pm

Park We Sung

Dear Diary,

The time has finally come to put the virtual pen down for the year. This is our last game of the season. I will tell you about the game in a bit, but first I am going to rewind the clock 12 or so hours, to the night before.

Finish work and go to meet Jarrett at Moorgate. Get a call from the Gaffer on the way, he is still writing his speech and wants a few pointers. Nothing quite like good preparation..... Meet Jarrett and get on the tube to meet up with the other lot. Meet up in Chad’s bar in Kings X and get bang on it. The likes of Ossie, Macca, Ballers, Muzza, Chef and Hemps are already there. Then Reg turns up after going for a long lunch with work. Last but by no means least, Paul Murray turns up. Couple of people mug him off (mainly the Chef though) for looking like a washed up 80’s 2nd rate pop star. Muzza doesn’t defend his brother though.

We all get fired up on premium lager and then set off to the tube. Macca buys a miniature and we play spoof. Paul Murray loses. Most people got off the tube when we got on, as we must have been quite annoying. Muzza was being very boisterous and being the most annoying. I say this because whilst people watching I saw plenty of people shaking their heads with disappointment when Muzza opened his mouth.

We get to Southgate a bit behind time and then head straight for the venue. Do a wee and then head straight for the bar. Grab a beer and then sit down in preparation for Mr John Bayer to get the ball rolling for the night. Unfortunately Radio couldn’t make the dinner, so in his absence Mike Pearl took over the honour of announcing the night’s winners. I think Joe Morris and Ballers are the subject of most jokes. We eat a 3 course meal in the space of 15 minutes. Weeroy then picks up young Norsemen of the year, despite being 25!

Finally comes the time for the Gaffer to do his speech. He has been a little quiet for the last hour, understandably as it is never nice doing a speech. I think Ballers gets mugged off one more time before Thomas calls Ricky up to do a quick emotional speech. Ricky doesn’t really look like he is on this planet whilst speaking. Thomas then hands out some awards, before we finally get to the big boys stuff. Norsemen of the year.

Despite all the ribbings he has received this year for not actually being very good at football, this guy is reliable and puts in 100% every time he plays (he has to really as trying is his only attribute). Ballers only goes and wins the award. I think the club were a bit short of nominations this year. Never the less he has won it now and we can’t take that away from him. Ballers smiled like a Cheshire cat for the rest of the night. Fitzy played him a lovely victory song on the piano, whilst the 1’s table won almost everything from the raffle. We went to the bar and got utterly smashed. Most Norsemen went off to the Tesco country club, whilst the people that don’t live out in the sticks had to prop up the bar and hopefully get the last tube. Obviously we missed the last tube and had to get a taxi home. It meant we got to see Lotty though. Lotty is Muzza’s Mrs. I also got to witness Carriao and Weaver have an argument with a woman in a taxi queue. I think it makes them feel big and clever arguing with women. Pathetic........

Got the taxi back to Shoreditch and went to bed feeling disgusting. All in all a very good night. Well done to Weeroy, Ballers and the Gaffer.

Back to Saturday.

Woke up feeling absolutely horrendous. I guess the feeling was felt by most in the team. This made me feel better that I didn’t have to suffer on my own. No idea what I did for most of the morning as was feeling rough. My first memory is of Louise asking me what I would like for breakfast. She is very nice like that. It turned out to be a repeat order of lasts weeks breakfast plus bacon, minus the shoddy egg poaching. Then I went upstairs and made the final playlist of the year, packed my bag and said goodbye to Lou. The gaffer and myself then plonked ourselves in the car, dropped the roof and set off rather late for Essex.

Arrive at Fairlop and greet everyone. Quite a quiet group this afternoon. Gav Morais isn’t liking people wearing sunglasses so goes around confiscating them. Ballers is still drunk. Not sure if he is drunk on alcohol or the fact that he won something connected with football. Hemps is greenish in colour. Macca starts telling his story of how he fell asleep on the tube last night and ended up in Acton. Everyone started to walk off to the changing room when they heard Macca open his mouth. The changing rooms had a very odd scent.

Takes us a while to figure out what we are doing, so we sit down in silence and look at each other, whilst feeling sorry for ourselves. After we snap out of that we don the blue uniform and gingerly trot out to the pitch. The pitch is as hard as concrete.

Quite a strange feeling today, as normally we get out and want to kick the ball about. Today however we just want to sit down and chat. I get up and try a shot. The ball ends up on the cricket pitch behind the goal. This would have been ok, if it wasn’t for the fact that the fielding team had just bowled. I jog over and apologise. I don’t think they accepted my apology. Oh well, cricket is rubbish anyway so I don’t care what they think about my poor shooting aim. I walk back to the 5 or so who are still sitting down and we all watch Jacko walk out to the pitch. He appears to still be intoxicated by something as he is talking to himself. Jacko then kicks the ball into the net by himself and then has a small tiff with the gaffer, at which point Thomas decides to put himself in goal. 10 minutes later and Jacko decides he wants to play.

Due to the nasty hangovers everyone is nursing we have a relatively relaxed warm up. When I say relaxed I just mean slow run and half hearted keep ball game. Ballers is buzzing from being named Norsemen of the year and because of this he manages to only lose the ball 5 times. Thomas calls everyone over and names the squad.

GK Jacko

LB Muzza

RB Ossie

CB Macca

CB Tajae

LM Jarrett

CM Tadd

CM Morais

RM Ballers

CF Weeroy

CF Reggie

SUBS

TT

NRC

The Chef

Thomas

Ballers is handed the captains armband as a reward for being named Norsemen of the year. I can’t think of any other reason for giving him the armband.

It was a hot day and that didn’t help with the hangovers. Put Ballers on a level playing level with everyone else though.

The ref blew his whistle at 3.00pm and that meant Norsemen got the ball rolling. We started the much better of the teams. The ball was passed around with pace and space was found all over the pitch. Weeroy and Reg both looked threatening upfront, with both having good early chances. Morais was given the job of man marking the Parks danger man. He did a good job throughout the whole game, apart from his first tackle. I think the alcohol played a big part in Gav completely missing his tackle and man all together in the opening minutes.

10 minutes into the first half and The Chef, NRC and myself set off on a voyage to get some water for the chaps playing. Thomas tells me that Old Parkonians put together the move of the match whilst I am gone. Unfortunately I didn’t see it so couldn’t tell you what actually happened.

When the waterboys reach the changing rooms we realise that getting water mission was going to be hampered by the fact that the bottles were too big for the sinks we found. That was the 1^st problem. The 2^nd problem was that the water was f-ing boiling. Hot water is that last thing the brave chaps playing football needed. It was all we could find though so they will have to like it or lump it. Lump it they did.

We get back just in time to see a ball slipped through the Reg. Reg took a lovely first touch and then calmly rounds the keeper and places the ball in the back of the net. Barry was on hand as the official Norsemen photographer for the day to take a nice snap of his boy. Barry gives Reg 50p for every goal scored. That is £2 Reg has made form his dad this year. I will let you do the math. Old Parkonians 0 – 1 Norsemen.

After the goal, Parkonians started to find a bit more rhythm with their play and started to create chances. A good effort from the edge of the Norsemen box saw Jacko make an excellent save to tip the ball on to the bar. The rebound fell nicely to a Parkonian player, who took a touch and had a shot at goal. Tadd saved it with his arms and gave away a penalty. Well done Tadd. The penalty was neatly dispatched and levelled the score. Old Parkonians 1 – 1 Norsemen.

Shortly after the goal I wondered over to Barry Ayers, who was standing behind the Norsemen net, poised to take more photos. Can I just mention that despite Barry having the camera for the whole of the game, he only took about 15-20 photos. I thought I would be sifting through the photos for days. Turns out Barry is a man of few photos. Whilst chatting to Barry, Norsemen won a dubious penalty. Not sure who won it, or how for that matter. The penalty was given to Tajae to score his first goal of the season. Tajae took a very weak penalty, which the keeper parried. Tajae wasn’t having any of that and so run up to the rebound and smashed it into the back of the net. Tajae claims he wanted to score from open play, and this is why he played a one-two with the Parks keeper. That now makes Muzza the only player not to have scored for Norsemen this year, despite going up for every set play…. Old Parkonians 1 – 2 Norsemen.

This was the last action of the first half. The gaffer gathers everyone in and we all huddle and wait for our last speech of the year. Not much to say to be honest but he said some stuff. First thing was to make a sub. Norsemen of the year made way for TT. TT was at last handed the captains armband. He is a really special player. NRC decided he was still too ill to play and went for a lie down. Thomas just told us to keep playing the way we had been and the win would come. On a hot day both teams were showing some nice touches and putting in a good shift. Morais moved out to the right and TT teamed up with Tadd in centre midfield.

The second half got underway at a good pace. Old Parkonians looked like they had been yelled at by their manager at half time and came out to do business. However Norsemen showed the kind of form that has kept them at the top of the table for most of the year and managed to get back on top quickly. Shortly after the second half had begun, Macca pulled up with an injury. Not sure what it was. I just don’t think he fancied it this week. Tadd went to centre back, Gav moved back in to central midfield and NRC came on to occupy the right wing. Hempsey wasn’t wrong when he said he didn’t feel very well. I’m not sure if it was nerves or alcohol, but NRC was sick twice as he entered the field of play. The parks team just looked at him and must have thought what a joke. To be fair to NRC he is only a wee lad so it makes sense that he can’t handle his alcohol. After NRC’s first run, he pulled up again and vomd on the pitch once more. At least go over to the touchline next time NRC. That kid has no pitch etiquette.

The kid did good 10 minutes later. It must have been a corner or free kick that was half cleared. Muzza had carried his big head upfront and must have known the attack wasn’t over. That or he is lazy and slow. The ball broke to NRC out on the right. NRC whipped in a delicious ball into the box. Muzza found himself in acres of space, about 10 yards out. Muzza delicately lobbed the ball into the far right corner of the goal with his big ginger Swede. There it is, every outfield player for Norsemen has scored in the 2010/11 season. Well done to you Muzza. Old Parkonians 1 – 3 Norsemen.

Reg makes way for The Chef. Shortly after The Chef is introduced into the game, Old Parks find a lifeline. The ball is played back to Jacko. The ball takes a bobble and Jacko has to take an extra touch, this gives the Parks striker time to close down Jacko’s kick. The Norsemen defence manage to get back and pack the goal, however the Parks striker’s shot is well placed and he reduces the deficit to 1. Old Parkonians 2 – 3 Norsemen.

Almost from kick off the ball is played up the right by NRC. The Chef gets a touch to the ball and guides it into the path of Weeroy. Weeroy weaves through 3 or 4 challenges and neatly passes the ball past the keeper. Weeroy has probably now scored more goals on his own than the rest of the team. As we know though it is a team sport and there is no Weeroy in team. Old Parkonians 2 – 4 Norsemen.

Norsemen see out the game and on the balance of play deserve the victory. Saying that, the Parks team is very different to the team we played earlier in the season. I suspect if they needed the win then we would have faced a tougher opponent on the day. Well done to Parks for the season though. Climbing from bottom of the league to 2^nd is a big achievement. It will be a pleasure to play against the nice bunch of lads next year. They play the game as it should be played.

We go back to the changing rooms and have a little sing before doing the round of willy dances in the showers. Good showers this week. Norsemen of the year managed to pull off the best dance. Well done to him. He has had quite the weekend.

Everyone still seems to be hungover in the changing room so not much celebrating to be done after the little sing. NRC seems to have a bit of colour back in his cheeks now though. Go and get some nice Spag Bol off of the lovely kitchen ladies at Old Parks and then try and leave with the Gaffer. Took 3 attempts of saying goodbye and leaving the room before we found a door that let us out of the building.

Thanks again to Chunky, Barry, Mike Pearl and Nigel for showing their support today.

All in all a good day for Norsemen. Due to the previous nights activities I doubt anybody went out for beers. I positioned myself on the carpet in front of the TV and watched football for the next 6 of so hours. I don’t even like watching football all that much, I just felt too disgusting to move. As this is the last match report of the year I am going to have another educated guess to what the rest of the team did when they left the clubhouse. Now I must stress this won’t be factually accurate, but it will be pretty close to what they actually did.

Jacko – Went to a fried chicken establishment on the way back to Enfield and then went to watch Rio 3D with Arda.

Ossie – Went home and created the pilot for his new TV show that is based loosely on The only way is Essex.

Muzza – Went home and bored Lotty about his goal. Then he made her play “Stack of truth”. Lotty probably won and then told Muzza the truth about his hair…..

Macca – Played dress up with his Mrs. Was then made to vacuum the house and make dinner.

Tajae – Washed his new boots and then text Jacko to see if he wanted to do something. Jacko didn’t hear his phone as he was in the cinema. Tajae watched MOTD and went to bed.

Tadd – Was put out on his leach in the garden.

Gav – Ran home from Fairlop. Did some squat thrusts and sit-ups. Ate his 5 fruit and veg for the day and then went to bed.

Jarrett – Got home and did a bottom burp. Was sent to his room and had to play Monopoly on his own. He won.

Weeroy – practiced his dance moves infront of his mirror for a couple of hours. Then penned some chat up lines in his diary before finishing up with kissing practice on his arm. Weeroy loves them B1tches so has to put in his homework.

Reg – Went round to his dad’s house to pick up his pocket money. Went home and had a chat with Gabriel for a couple of hours because his wife is sick to death of talking to him.

NRC – Got the tube to Liverpool Street. Got to sit with the driver. When he got to Liverpool Street he did his regular 3 hours of train spotting. Went home and probably had pie, chips and gravy.

The Chef – Went home and got tied up and gagged by his Mrs. I will let your imagination do the rest.

The Gaffer – Went up to his room and listened to his speech that he taped from the night before. He listened to the speech on loop for 3 hours and then had a curry and went to bed a happy boy.

That is it.

Bye now.

Champs

Norsemen FC vs Old Finchleans

Edmonton Sports Ground

12th April 2011

6.00pm (ish)

Peter Piper Picked A Peck of Pickled Pepper Where's The Peck of Pickled Pepper Peter Piper Picked

Dear Diary,

So a bit of new territory here for the season. A midweek evening game. Norsemen needed to take just 1 point from this game to be crowned champions of the SAL division 2.

I am a bit thrown as to where to start today’s episode. Normally I would bore you with the antics before the game, but to be honest with you there were no antics today, just a boring day at work.

Arranged to meet Ballers and Jarrett at Liverpool Street. We met up and exchanged handshakes and then set upon our way to Edmonton. Ballers starts telling Jarrett and myself that he has played football every year of his life since the age of 5 or something, without a gap. Me and Jarrett look extremely surprised by this comment. Surely 25+ years of playing football would have provided Ballers with some footballing talent...... Jarrett just smiles at Ballers and then looks out of the window. As we pass White Hart Lane, Ballers shakes his fist in a rude manner and Jarrett looks at the ground and declares his love for Spurs. This rivalry of football clubs could cause a problem at their joint marriage.

Get off the train and everyone’s favourite muscley Norsemen gets off the carriage next to us. Gav talks about playing football in Norwich at a good standard. Jarrett and Ballers quickly get bored of this and walk off ahead. I am polite and carry on listening to Gavin. We get to the ground and everyone is waiting pitch side in their work clothes. There is a buzz going around the place. For some reason the 1’s and 3’s don’t mingle, and instead decide to just stand there looking at each other. Me and Ballers play kick the ball into the goal and the others stand around and chat, whilst waiting for the gaffer to turn up with the kit. Thomas got held up in traffic so arrives last.

We get changed and listen to some of the Chef’s music. Go out and do a light jog and then Phillip let’s us play the 3 touch game. Bibs probably come out on top of this session. As we turn around to start the match we realise Finchleans only have 9 personnel on the pitch. They try and stall for the start of the game, but Thomas gets the ref to start. We swap ends and start to play the game with the following formation:

GK Jacko

LB Muzza

RB Ballers

CB Macca

CB Tajae

LM Hempsey

CM TT

CM Tadd

RM Thomas

CF Weeroy (this is a new name I have given to Leroy)

CF Jarrett

SUBS

Ossie

Morais

Reggie

Leighton

A strong line up again for the 1’s. This has been key to our success this year. Apart from the loss away to Esthameians, where we struggled to get a team out, we have been consistent with getting the core of the team out this year. Our hat goes off to Thomas for sorting this out every week.

So we kick off with 11 against 9. From kick off it was apparent that we decided that this was going to be easy and as a result we treated the first half as a training exercise.

Within 5 minutes Norsemen took the lead. Jarrett received a poor goal kick from the keeper and nodded the ball through to Weeroy. Weeroy took a touch to go round the keeper and then slotted the ball into the net. I am told this puts Weeroy one goal ahead of Danny in the Norsemen goal rankings, but who is counting.......

Norsemen 1 – 0 Old Finchleans.

After the goal was scored Finchleans managed to get their numbers on the field up to 11. This didn’t really affect Norsemen’s style of play. We dominated possession, however at a very slow pace and because of this we started to make errors. Then because of that we started to get on each others backs. This as we all know is counter productive.

About 30 minutes into the game and Finchleans have their first meaningful attack of the game down the right. A good bit of interplay provides their right winger with space on the edge of the area. The winger neatly dispatched the ball over Jackos hand and into the corner of the net. Fair play to Finchleans as it was a good goal. Norsemen 1 – 1 Old Finchleans.

A very short time after this we saw some glimpses of Jarrett’s early season form. I will paint a picture of the scenario for you. Weeroy through on goal and should have scored. He didn’t. Weeroy had quite a big crowd following him today so was understandably nervous. Jarrett didn’t. Weeroy had a shot at goal that was saved by the keeper. The ball bounced back to Weeroy who should have passed to Jarrett first time, but didn’t. Eventually when Weeroy knew he had no chance of scoring he laid it back to Jarrett. Jarrett had the whole goal to aim at. Jarrett lashed at the ball and hit the post with an open goal. He looked cross. The game stayed level.

We had numerous other chances to score in the first half, if it wasn’t for the impressive Finchleans centre back and keeper, then we would have scored more. Muzza missed a couple of sitters in both halves from set pieces.  Both Muzza and Tajae are the only two outfield players not to score this season, so both were trying their hardest to score. Muzza goes up for most set pieces so he has an easier job than Tajae. If Tajae wants to score, then he literally has to take on the entire opposition. He has almost succeeded doing this a couple of times this season.

So we get to half time and are drawing 1-1. The gaffer calls us into the changing room and sits us down. First thing he says is naughty so I wont repeat it. Then he tells us to take a long hard look at ourselves. He lines us up in front of a mirror and then one by one we tell him what we can see when we stand in front of mirror. Not sure what this exercise was supposed to achieve but it moved NRC to tears…….

We go out for the second half, knowing if we played our game to our strengths and used the space out wide, then we had a very good chance of winning the game. Tadd had decided at half time that he wasn’t satisfied just playing centre midfield, so he took upon a personal mission to try and play everyone’s position for them.

We started the 2^nd half, as we had finished the 1^st half and took the game to Old Finchleans. We went close on a number of occasions, however as the half went on we started to look desperate and tried to force the goal. Because we tried to throw the kitchen sink, bath, patio, pond, loft conversion, walk in wardrobe and sex dungeon at Finchleans, we were left exposed at the back a couple of times. Fincleans come close once, but that was the only pressure they offered in the half.

Leroy had a shot saved well by the keeper. As I mentioned earlier, Muzza missed a sitter and Tadd fluffed a volley from inside the box. With 3 or 4 minutes to go, knowing we only needed a draw to clinch the title, Morais and Muzza tried to keep the ball in the corner. Professional players make this look easy. Gavin and Nicholas made it look difficult….. Half the team wanted the ball played into the box so that we could try and score, but Gav and Muzza were having none of it. Eventually the ref had enough and blew his whistle. Norsemen FC are crowned CHAMPIONS of the SAL 2^nd division. Yey.

The atmosphere after the game was strange as it didn’t feel like we had won the league with the performance we had given. However we had and when we got back to the changing room after giving the old boys high fives, there was a couple of bottle of the finest Bulgarian champagne waiting for us.

We pull off some fine willy dance moves in the shower whilst the gaffer and Ballers spray everyone with Champers. Muzza drags a fully clothed Chef into the showers and we all jump him. I slip and nearly kill myself, but apart from that we have a smashing time and drench the Chef. From the corner of my eye I see Hempsey and Gav sitting on their little benches whilst shaking their heads. They are older members of the team so maybe they don’t get it.

Tadd enters the changing room after 20 minutes. Apparently he did a couple laps of the pitch whilst thanking the fans. We don’t have any fans so I have no idea who he was thanking.

Go into the clubhouse and Nigel offers us some more champagne. This champagne was aptly named Leroy. We all stand around the oppo and watch them eat what looked like one of the most disappointing meals I have seen this side of 2000. Not sure of any worse the other side of 2000 but I just want to cover my back!

All in all a lovely feeling to have won the league, it just hasn’t kicked in properly yet. Role on Saturday and Old Parcs. Before that though we will all look forward to the Gaffers speech at the club dinner on Friday.

Champions

Civil Service FC vs Norsemen FC

Civil Service FC vs Norsemen FC

Chiswick

Saturday 9^th April 2011

3.00

Civil Faulty

Dear Diary,

So the league draws to an end and the penultimate weekend serves up an away fixture to high flying Civil. Just a little bit of good news during the week. Norsemen FC 1’s only went and got blimmin promoted didn’t they. All the seasons hard work has finally paid off.

Massive thanks to Phillip and the Chef for all the hard work and dedication they have put in for us.

Back to the game in hand. Civil required a win to keep in contention for promotion, whilst Norsemen required a win to keep on track for being crowned champions. Today’s fixture had the potential to be epic.

Woke up to the glorious sunshine beaming through the gap in my curtains. Attempted to put a pillow over my head to regain total darkness. Annoyingly this didn’t work and the sun had beaten me. 7.45 and I was up. Thought about doing something and then thought better of it. Had to keep my reserves for the game in hand. Went downstairs and had some children’s cereal. Then had a chat with the gaffer, before he went off to the gym. Nipped down to our local supermarket to get some fluids for the day’s game. What a wonderful day it was. Got some food for a bit of brunch for Thomas and myself. Tried to make a poached egg for the first time, but failed miserably. The egg hit the water and just decided it didn’t like it surroundings. After deciding it didn’t like what was going on, the egg made the water go misty and rank. Had to call Thomas down to give me a quick poached egg master class. I have only recently converted to poached eggs from scrambled eggs and this is the reason for my inability to cook a poached egg. We ate our breakfasts and they were yummy. We then noticed we were running a bit late for the agreed meeting time. We grabbed our stuff and walked to Liverpool Street.

Get to Liverpool Street a bit behind time. Give NRC a tinkle to find out where we have to be and when. We have 25 minutes to get to the rest of the team in Vauxhall. Looking a bit unlikely but we head to the underground anyway. Sit on the platform for 5 minutes with no sign of a tube. Then decide to get a taxi. The taxi driver assures us we are going to be able to make Vauxhall train station in 20 minutes and on his word we climb into his taxi. The taxi driver’s word is kosher and he gets us there with 2 minutes to spare. Thomas gets out at the traffic lights and sprint/jogs for the train. Sure enough NRC’s instructions are correct and everyone is on the platform waiting for us. Jarrett is wearing his summers best. NRC looks like he is going to a beach party themed 50th birthday party and the rest are wearing their nice shirts in preparation to hit the town after the game. 

I am shocked to read on the train that our nuclear submarines can only go to a depth of 300m. To me that isn’t deep. I can rescue a brick from 5 meters and my £7 watch can go 50m. Surely a submarine that costs loads of money can go deeper. Me and Muzza talk about this for a while and then the topic of conversation turns to the Grand National horses. We aren’t interested in the good horses, just the sports editor’s synopsis of the rubbish horses. One horse had a description of “Tries really really hard but all is in vain. This horse will return nothing if you back it”. Imagine if the horse could read and it stumbled across a copy of The Times. It would be absolutely heartbroken.

We get to our station and NRC gives us the nod to get off the train. We then cross the river and head to the Civil ground. I haven’t mentioned it yet but boy what a day it was. It was a little on the windy side, however the temperature was spot on. We get to the pitch and are greeted with a small stand. Civil must have spent all of their money on the stand as the changing rooms are just a bunch of demountables. Tajae and Leroy kick back and sunbathe whilst the rest of us aimlessly kick the ball around. Tadd and NRC find a tennis ball and decide to play catch. They look like a couple of girls as they throw the ball to each other and giggle. If they had decided to play hopscotch, then they would have looked less girlie. I find out that Ballers uses his left hand to throw a ball. At first I think he is just mucking about as he has a weird throwing action, but he assures me that that is the way he throws…….

We line up as follows:

GK Jacko

RB Ossie

LB Muzza

CB Tajae

CB Macca

LM NRC

RM Gav

CM TT

CM Tadd

CF Leroy

CF Jarrett

Subs

Ballers

Carriou

Thomas

Thomas decided as the changing room was extremely small and the weather was very nice, to get changed outside. Gav Morais set up his little changing station in the middle of everyone. I think this was a tactical move on his behalf as he remembered what little gems he had put on that morning. As he dropped his trousers he revealed a pair of salmon coloured pants. On the likes of Muzza or myself it would have looked like we didn’t have any pants on. It would have also looked like we had lost our appendage due to the colour and tightness of them. Due to Gav’s beautiful holiday Tan, the pants stood out. You could see the jealousy in Ossie’s eye and that he was hatching a plan to swap pants at the end of the game. A bit like a player swapping shirts with an oppo, Ossie likes swapping pants.

James takes us for a warm up. Not sure if he just makes exercises up sometimes. He makes us run from one side of the pitch to the other and during the run he will make us do things like rolly polly’s and cartwheels. He will then say this helps with your core balance or something like that. All gym talk that I don’t really understand. This is Gav Morais favourite part of the footballing day.

Phil then lets us play football in a square. The non bibs thrash the bibs in a game of 3 touch. Not really the morale boast that the bibs needed before a big game. The only words I can offer to cheer them up is “just be better at football”.

The ref calls for the captains and we kick off proceedings. We are playing in front of a crowd of 30-40 people today. I think a lot of them have heard about ‘the throw’ and they wanted to see it with their own eyes.....

Both teams start with a frantic pace. Civil have the wind behind them and it is evident from the opening 5 minutes that they are trying to play the long ball over the Norsemen defence for the lone striker to run on to. This doesn’t work as the back 4 were immense in the air for the whole game.

10 minutes in and the Civil left back tries to have a pop at Gav Morais. Being up against the Hulk, the Civil player obviously had no joy. Gav got a scratch on his knee and Civil player stayed down after bouncing off of Gav and falling on his hand. It did look a bad injury and I think he may have broken a finger or too so we all hope he gets well soon. Despite the injury the left back played on, although the injury seemed to jade his performance. 5 minutes later and Norsemen took the lead. Gav received the ball on the right. He jinxed past 2 Civil players before putting a cross in for Weeroy to poke home. A well worked goal and on the run of play, no more than Norsemen deserved. Civil 0 – 1 Norsemen.

5 minutes later and Norsemen attack again. This time down the left wing. Hempsey plays a great ball down the line and Jarrett sets off on a run to retrieve the ball. The Civil keeper starts running out to collect the ball, however upon seeing angry Jarrett running at him, he thinks twice. At this point the Norsemen chairman, who is standing on the sideline starts shouting “you’ve sh1t yourself, you’ve sh1t yourself”. I am sure this doesn’t help the Civil keeper with the situation. Jarrett gets to the ball first and lobs the ball over the stranded keeper. The ball bounces once before hitting the roof of the net. Jarrett finally finds double figures for the season and doubles Norsemen’s lead in doing so. Civil 0 – 2 Norsemen.

Norsemen were buzzing after the goal. Civil started an attack down the right. The left back tried to knock it past NRC. NRC was having none of it so he stuck his hand out to stop the ball. Muzza didn’t like this and had a go at NRC. NRC didn’t like being told off so he said a rude word back to Muzza. This is what is known as “a lovers tiff” in the real world. They didn’t make eye contact for 5 minutes after the tiff.

With 10 minutes left of the half Civil won a throw in the last third of Norsemen’s half. A long throw was nodded on at the near post. Macca and Jacko went for the same ball. The ball fell to the Civil midfielder, who blasted the ball at Macca’s chest. Macca’s hands were in front of his chest and so he handballed it. Ref gave a penalty. Fair shout. The Civil player despatched his penalty into the corner. Well taken and nothing Jacko could do about it. Civil 1 – 2 Norsemen.

Norsemen upped their game after the goal, but found it hard to penetrate the Civil backline with the windy conditions. The ref blows his whistle and it is half time.

Thomas calls us into the shade and Ballers carries over the water. This was Ballers main task for today’s game. He took this job seriously and hid the water under some shade. Well done him. Thomas gave us a nice speech. You could see Tadd and NRC looking for a tennis ball to play some more catch, but the tennis ball was gone. They both looked a bit sad.   

We all trudge back to our starting positions and the ref gets us underway. Norsemen have the benefit of the wind this half and begin well, putting Civil on the back foot.

10 minutes into the 2^nd half, TT and Jarrett chase down the Civil centre back. The ball lands at TT’s feet and he decides to have a run at goal. He only goes and drops his left shoulder and glides past the centre back. This leaves TT through on goal, with only the keeper to beat. He is comfortable with this situation. Then from out of nowhere Weeroy turns up on the scene and starts screeching for the ball to be played square to him. This completely puts TT off. TT is so annoyed with Weeroy that he decides enough is enough and decides to just kick the ball off for a goal kick. That will teach Weeroy for trying to spoil the party.

Within 5 minutes of the Weeroy incident, TT put Norsemen’s 3^rd in. A free kick was awarded on the halfway line. Coleman thinks to himself “I am going to have a shot from here. I have the wind behind me so why not. They all think I am going to cross from here. Yeah have a shot Coleman, go on, treat yourself”. Had a shot and scored. Being a humble and modest gentleman, Coleman just stands there and shrugs his shoulders. Macca is the first on the scene and jumps TT. He is soon followed by half of the team. The ref gives the goal and then starts running back to the centre spot. The ref turns and see’s an upset linesman. The lino saw Gav in an off side position or something like that and gives a free kick to Civil. Cheers Gav.

Gav hadn’t felt like he had spoiled the game enough, so he spent the next 5 minutes thinking what he could do. What Gav come up with was giving the ball away on the half way line and left the Civil centre forward to run at Macca. The forward let off an early shot and managed to put the ball in off the far post. Again nothing that Jacko could do about that goal. A nice finish. Civil 2 – 2 Norsemen.

Thomas thought Gavin had done enough damage and so subbed him for Ballers.  

Almost from kick off Norsemen started to attack the Civil box. The ball was cleared to the right hand edge of the box. Who was there to collect the ball. It was only Ossie, wasn’t it. Did Ossie bring the ball down? No. Did Ossie take his time? No. Did Ossie hit an ambitious volley? Yes. Did Ossie score? No. Did Ossie kick it off for a goal kick? No. Did Ossie’s shot at goal go off for a throw? Yes.

During the game there were couple of incidents I would just like to share. Tadd being called a “lanky streak of p1ss” being one of them. The other was the blossoming romance of the Chef and the Civil number 9. Throughout the game they had been exchanging love notes, just as you do at the start of any good relationship. Then from there the odd wink and kiss was blown. At half time they met up on the adjacent pitch and had a talk and cuddle. They swapped numbers and everything seemed to be falling into place. Then as all relationships seem to end in the 21^st century, things took a turn for the worse. Number 9 stopped returning the winks and the Chef started to become jealous. The final exchange of words went a bit like:

Number 9 “At least I’m not fat”

Chef “I would prefer to be fat than ugly”

Two classic lines straight out of the playground insult book. Shortly after this exchange of words Barry Ayers was asked by the ref to escort the Chef away from the side of the pitch. Love can be cruel sometimes......

Back to the game and you could see a belief in Civil for the first time in the game. From a corner, number 9 hit the bar from a header. The ball bounced to a Civil player, who hit it goal bound, only for Muzza to clear off the line. This is the first time Norsemen didn’t look in control of the game. This short spell of attack soon came to an end and Norsemen started to get back in the game.

Weeroy pounced on a poor pass from the Civil defender and managed to toe poke the ball into the goal. We naturally went f-ing mental. All I could hear was Tadd and Jarrett screaming with joy. Then from the corner of my eye I see Gav Morais sprinting down the line in relief from not costing Norsemen the game. We all jumped on each other and celebrated nicely. Civil 2 – 3 Norsemen.

Shortly after the goal Weeroy managed to hand the victory to Norsemen and score what seems to be his billionth goal of the year. Hempsey sprayed a ball across the pitch to Ballers. Everyone thought Ballers would let the ball role under his foot. It didn’t. The Civil defence obviously don’t know who Ballers is and so they tried to close down the angle for Ballers, to prevent him from shooting. Ballers then did something nobody thought he was going to do. Ballers crossed the ball back across the goal to an unmarked Weeroy. Weeroy took a touch and then curled the ball into the far corner. Probably the goal of the game. We go crazy again and mob the little man.

Muzza goes off for Carriao. Dan’s first touch was to fall over and trap the ball on the line with his toe. It was a nice move to be fair to Daniel. He then got up and pretended as if nothing had happened. Shortly after this the ref blew his whistle to end the game. We go bonkers and start hugging each other and shake as many people’s hands as possible. Civil have been one of the best teams this year and if they have another season like this then they will be back up to the top division next year. Their season mirrors our season last year.  

Complete a half hearted warm down with an embarrassed Chef and then head back to the changing room for an epic willy dance.

Unfortunately on returning to the changing room we were met with a disappointing set of showers.

Shower number 1 – Resembled a hose end. The pressure of the shower would suggest the hose had a kink in it.

Shower number 2 – Had the appearance of a shower. However the pressure was equal to that of a water can that was running out of water.

Shower number 3 – Again disguised as a shower. Instead of being attached to the water pipe, the other side of the shower head was attached to somebody’s mouth. This person used spit and saliva to provide the water flow.

The showers affected getting clean, but not the dancing. It was only 3 dancers at a time, but this gave the rest of the team a chance to sit back and admire the hard work and thought that had gone in to each dance. I think Macca won this week’s dance. Macca’s preferred move of the day was the reverse helicopter.  

Ballers and Tajae had some really nasty wine that Thomas had won in a raffle and then we set off to the club house for some fish fingers and chips. I think this is the meal awarded to the World cup winning team after success......

We watch Norwich get beaten and Thomas stitch up Weeroy with 3 shots. Macca gets a jug in for conceding a penalty and we all get bang on it. Forbes, Chunky and Barry all offer their hands in congratulation. Another big thanks for all the old boys who have shown their support this year. Makes a big difference seeing some Norsemen legends on the pitch side. We leave the Civil club house with Weeroy lifted in the air and everyone shouting his name. Gav Morais gets out some Cuban cigars from his travels and a couple of members of the team think they will be cool and smoke them.

From here we go to a pub that doubles as a jazz bar. Bit random. Weeroy is struggling from the shots and decides to take a breather. The pub don’t like our noise and we are asked to be quiet. Shortly after this we leave and make our way back to Waterloo. We are joined by our Chairman, who tries to make a quick escape at one of the stops. However Thomas runs after him and drags him back on to the train. At Waterloo we go for a quick half and Ronnie manages to escape.

Jump in some cabs and head to the Nelsons Retreat in Shoreditch. Juke box goes on, pool is played and pints are consumed. Everyone starts to look a bit worse for wear now. It has been hot today and a couple of people have had one too many. Me being one of those. We then drop our bags at the gaffers and go to the Commercial Tavern. People start to sneak off now. This has been the pub that has sorted the men from the boys........

We then head to Brick Lane and meet up with everybody’s 17^th favourite 1^st teamer, Neil Mordi. Luckily it is only £4 for a can of beer in the place we meet Mordi. Ballers argues with the bar tend that he can buy 6 cans for £5 in the shop around the corner. The bar tend tells Ballers to go there then. Ballers decides to go home instead. We quickly get asked to leave the bar and then head to bedroom bar. We are left with:

Thomas

The Chef

Carriao

TT

Morais

Muzza

Macca

The rest decided enough was enough. I wish I had now as I still feel a bit rough. Got kicked out at 1 and went to a house party. Then went to another house party when we got kicked out of that. Just TT and Morais surviving the whole day. Although I think Gav got lost and ended up at a complete strangers house. He said he didn’t recognise anybody there, but decided to stay none the less. Got home at 6 feeling wretched and went to bed.

PROMOTED TO THE SAL 1ST DIVISION

JURASSIC PARK

Norsemen FC vs Old Esthameians

Norsemen FC vs Old Esthameians

Edmonton Sports Ground

April 2^nd 2011

3.00

Mean Norsemen Don't Surrender Any Points

Dear Diary,

Annoyingly woke up early today. Couldn’t get back to sleep, so went downstairs, put the kettle on and watched some kids TV. Kids TV today is rubbish. There is nothing that even comes close to the likes of Super Ted, Going Live, The Racoons etc etc. They just have silly programmes. Got bored of the sillyness quickly and decided to go and lie back in bed.  I decided to make a new playlist for the drive to football. I started to put together what I thought was one of my best yet. Later Thomas would spoil the drive by skipping past most songs. He has poor taste. I have put that out there for everyone to read. Jeopardised a starting spot next week, but that had to be said.  

Eventually got up and went for a walk. Grabbed some breakfast and then it was time to go home and get ready for the voyage up to Edmonton. It was a nice day so shorts and sunglasses were put on. Got in the car and zoomed off to Edmonton. I say zoomed, it was must just safely drove to Edmonton within the speed limit. 

Thomas allowed 3 songs to be played in their entirety. This created an element of tension in the car. Despite Hat watch was over for the season, it is still nice to just have a fun game. The tension created by the track skipping meant Hat watch was overlooked......

Got to Edmonton and met Joe Morris and Ross Davis in the car park. Joe dished out a couple of hugs, whilst Ross just stood there smiling. Ross looked like he had ten too many the night before.

Entered the changing room and saw an old face straight away. Gavin Morais had returned from his South American expedition. He still looks like incredible Hulk, just a very tanned version now. 

Touched base with everyone else and then put the blue uniform on. Tajae decided not to iron the kit this week......

We lined up as follows:

GK Brad

LB Muzza

RB Ossie

CB Macca

CB Tajae

LM Hempsey

CM TT

CM Tadd

RM Morais

CF Reggie

CF Leroy

SUBS

Thomas

Leighton

Dan Cairrao

A very strong team this week. Not because Ballers was away, but because Reggie plays his second game in a row for the first time this season. It was a shame that Barry hadn’t turned up today. I think Reggie asked him to stay at home in an attempt to boost his own popularity. I don’t think it worked. 

It’s 3.00 and that can only mean one thing. Kick off. 

Old Esthameians lined up 3-5-2, whilst Norsemen went for the more traditional 4-4-2. The early proceedings were controlled by Norsemen on a pitch that was dry and dusty in the middle, but luscious and green on the wings. Norsemen managed to exploit the positioning of the Old Esthameians high positioning, with Hempsey and Gav seeing a lot of the ball out wide. However we failed to make any real chances in the first 20 minutes. 

On the half hour mark we made our break through. Coleman took a throw in the last 20 yards of the Esthameians half. He was looking for the head of Muzza. Couldnt see much else to be honest as Muzza was standing at the near post. The throw went over Muzza’s head somehow and looked like it was going off for a goal kick. Up steps the man of the moment. Reggie hurls himself at the ball and somehow manages to back head the ball towards the goal. Reggie somehow managed to put spin on the header. The ball span around the goalkeeper at the near post and landed in the back of the net at the far post. Not a pretty goal but they all count. Reggie actually confessed after the game that he didn’t even realise it was a goal. Norsemen 1 - 0 Old Esthameians

From here Norsemen dominated the rest of the half, with Bradley as good as redundant in goal. Despite the dominance in possession, Norsemen were unable to add any more of a lead to the score.  

We go in for a chat at half time. Thomas sits down and tells us a story about a Polish orphan. Tadd and Muzza have a cry. To be honest the story is very powerful and moving, but not relevant to the task in hand. Thomas apologises and then tells us to go out and do ourselves proud.

Again Norsemen start strongly. Leroy and Reggie instantly provide problems and questions for the Esthameians defence, which they struggle with. After 15 minutes of pressure Norsemen finally get their just deserved. After some nice play the ball arrived at Ossie’s feet. Ossie laid the ball on to Gav who went on a bit of a run. Gavin took on 2 or 3 players and then passed the ball to TT on the edge of the box. TT had a pop and it went in. To be fair the keeper could have just moved his foot one pace to the left and he would have saved it. Thankfully he didn’t and Norsemen doubled their lead. Norsemen 2 – 0 Old Esthameians.

2 minutes later and Norsemen secure the game. From a Hempsey corner, Reggie nods the ball down and Leroy pounces to lash the ball into the roof of the net. Goal number 10022033040405058693020201 of the season for Leroy. Norsemen 3 – 0 Old Esthameians.

Gav and Hempsey made way for Dan and Leighton. Norsemen continue to look for goals. Reg finally made way for Thomas and we looked to see out the game. 5 minutes form time Tajae has a small altercation with the Esthameians striker. There was some handbags thrown about and both players took a booking.

From the resulting free kick Brad made his first save of the game.

We see out the game and keep our first clean sheet for a long time. The Chef warms us down and we rejoice with pats on the back and high tens.

Now is the time for the most anticipated activity of the day. Willy dance time. Hempsey is so keen he tries to leave out the warm down. The Chef calls him back and makes him do some stretching.

Here is a photo taken from the showers, mid willy dance:

 

So we finish up with the dancing and put our clothes on for the walk to the club house. The 1’s and 2’s played at home today so there was a good crowd in the club house. Slowly but surely people leave and we end up with Macca, Ross Davis, Steve Morgan, Weaver, Alex Puchalla, Muzza, The Chef and myself playing killer on the pool table. Steve and Ross lose so they have to do a forfeit. It is then suggested that as we are at a football club then we might as well play football drinking games. The game we played was crossbar challenge. The voyage to the basement had to be done first to find a football. A lovely green and yellow ball was found and the teams were forged.

Steve

Ross

Alex

Me

Vs

Muzza

Chef

Weaver

Macca

Macca went first and just about managed to get the ball to the goal without it bouncing. Everyone else went reasonably close. Weaver decided to take his shot in his pants. He missed so it made him look like more of a dick. I went for power, narrowly missing. The aim of hitting it hard was to make the other team have to go and fetch the ball. Macca then had another go, which obviously missed. Up stepped Steve Morgan for his second shot. I goaded him to hit it as hard as he could. He did just that and smashed the bar. This backfired as I had to go and retrieve the ball that cannoned back past us. The other 4 mugs had to down their pints though so it didn’t really matter.

The rest of the evening went on in a similar vein until it was just Weaver, Alex and TT left in the club house. A first for myself and Weaver. We got kicked out and made to go to “perfect kebab” by Alex. Perfect kebab was anything but perfect. Didn’t play well with my stomach. I haven’t actually seen Weaver since leaving him on the train, so who knows what it has done to him. Cheers for the suggestion Alex.

Went home and spoke to the Gaffer and Lou for a bit. They kept on asking me questions like “how many have you had?” and “why?” and “when?”

I decided to avoid the questions and go to bed.

Weirside Rangers vs Norsemen FC

Weirside Rangers vs Norsemen FC

Saturday 26^th March

East Molesey

3.00pm

Uh-Oh, Weir in Trouble, Something's Come Along And It's Burst Our Bubble

Dear Diary,

This is it, the final run in for the league. For some it is the business end of the season, for others it is squeaky bum time! 5 games left and today’s opponents are high flying Weirside Rangers. 

Sooooooo...... I woke up and had a bit of breakfast whilst watching England lose at the cricket. Was a waste of everyone’s time and money. Thomas comes home from the gym and we set off for football. Today’s trip from door to door only took 2 hours so that isn’t bad is it....... In two hours you can actually get to Barcelona on a plane. Barcelona is bloody miles away. East Molesey is max 18 miles from Shoreditch.

Met up with everyone outside Vauxhall train station. We had a nice squad of 15 today. Got some skin off of Leroy, Tajae, Mark, Arda and Brad. Gave everyone else a hug. Ossie decided to sit on his own for 15 minutes, despite being able to see everyone outside. Odd lad our Ossie. 

Get on the train. As the doors are closing Reggie runs up the stairs and just misses the train. He has to wait on the platform with Ex Norsemen Daniel Gustav Ashley. They have a nice chat (probably) and then Reggie leaves Dan and gets another train. Reggie is growing in popularity but is still a good country mile behind Barry in the popularity contest.

Interesting point from our train journey. Muzza sat next to a mother and her two children on the train. At first the kids just stared at Muzzas head. You could see them thinking to themselves “ how on earth is his head so big?” After a couple of minutes they got scared and moved as close to their mum and as far away from Muzza as they could. After observing the children’s behaviour I then got caught by the heads tractor beam and started asking myself questions like “how” and “why” in regards to the massiveness of Muzza’s head. 

Got to the station and Hempsey instantly got us lost. Led us on a wild goose chase. We actually walked past where we needed to go and luckily bumped into Reggie. Reggie was getting out of a taxi. Whilst doing so another gentlemen got out the other side and immediately run off. Reggie didn’t know the guys name. He said he picked the un-named chap up from the station. More like he had attempted to kidnap the guy. The guy saw it as a good chance to escape his captor as there was 15 or so witnesses. Reg looked disappointed when the guy run off. The penny has only just dropped to why this was. 

Get changed in a massive changing room. This was the biggest squad for the season and yet the size of this changing room made the squad look small. We lined up as follows:

GK – Brad

LB – Muzza

RB – Ossie

CB – Floody

CB – Tajae

LM – Hempsey

RM – Marko

CM – Tadd

CM – TT

CF – Reg

CF – Leroy

Subs

Macca

Leighton

Arda

Thomas

Dan Cairrao

A nice welcome back for Floody. He has been missed. Not only is a very good footballer, but he is a blimmin nice chap. Apart from that one time at BB Eagles where he offered everyone a lift, only for him to drive off laughing. Marko making his debut for Norsemen on the right wing too. Again another strong turn out by the old boys. Even Radio managed to make his way over. This is one of the biggest commutes for Norsemen so their support is very well appreciated. 

The time is 3.00 and that can only mean one thing. Kick off.

Weirside had the better of the opening 5 minutes and used their long ball tactic well. I think they started with a 3-5-2 formation, meaning they had the extra man in central midfield. However after 5 minutes Norsemen had picked their game up and started attacking themselves, winning some throw ins and corners in the Weirside half. Leroy came close from a corner from the right. I think he hit the bar. He may not have, but I seem to remember him doing so. Norsemen then got a throw in on the left hand side of the pitch. TT launched in a throw, only for a Weirside defender to get a big head on the ball. The ball came back out to TT. TT let the ball bounce once and then had a pop at goal. The keeper got down well, but only managed to parry the shot onto the post. The rebound fell nicely to Leroy, who with an open net scored his millionth goal of the season. We go nuts and start jumping around like kids. Weirside 0 – 1 Norsemen. 

Marko is substituted for Dan Cairrao. Muzza goes left mid, Dan left back and Hempsey moves over to the right of midfield. 

Almost from kick off Weirside send a long ball forward. Floody got up well and won the header. Not sure where but the ref spotted a foul. The ball from the free kick was played out wide and from the cross Brad called for the ball. Floody could have headed it clear but decided he would leave it for Brad. The ball somehow made its way into our goal. Weirside 1 – 1 Norsemen.

Norsemen would have not fancied games like this in the past and would have just rolled over, but not this season. We went straight back up the other end and won a throw in. From the throw in Reggie hit a left footed hook volley into the roof of the net. We went mental. Great finish from Reg. I tried to celebrate with him but he ignored me and run straight for Thomas. The fact that Thomas had his personal body guards around him, meant that Reg couldn’t get close. Instead he jumped on Macca and they made out. Weirside 1 – 2 Norsemen.

The lead didn’t last for long however as Weirside start attacking from kick off. Weirside won something on the left, could have been a free kick, could have been a corner. The ball landed at Tajae’s feet. Tajae doesn’t like kicking it long, so instead started dribbling it out of defence. As the pitch was drier than the Sahara desert, the pitch was very bobbly. Tajae couldn’t keep as close control as usual and as a result was tackled on the edge of the box. The Weirside number 7, who was their best player on the day, hit a shot that looped over Brad in goal. Weirside 2 – 2 Norsemen. All goals could go down as being scrappy or lucky but as my Dad says “A goal is a goal”.

Both sides had half chances in the rest of the half. Leroy and Reggie both playing out of their skin upfront. Hard to choose which one deserved man of the half, if there is such an award. 

Ref blows his whistle for half time and we walk over to Thomas. He gives us a nice little pep talk.

We go out with the same side and start the better of the two teams. By this point Weirside are reduced to the long ball. They will probably say that all we have is a long throw. I am pretty sure I threw the ball about 40 times today. My stomach is f@cking killing me as I write this. That may, or may not have something to do with me throwing the football lots. About 20 minutes into the second half Hempsey played a nice ball down the line for Leroy. Leroy latched onto the ball and put in a cross. The cross took a deflection and spun up into the air. Because of the concrete like pitch, the keeper miss read the bounce and completely missed the ball. The ball bounced over the keepers head and into the path of Reg. Reg nervously tapped in from 2 yards. We went bonkers. All I could hear was Tadd shouting and screaming. He was so excited. Weirside 2 – 3 Norsemen.

From there we carried on attacking and Leroy had an excellent volley saved well by the Weirside keeper. With 5 minutes to go Weirside got a free kick just inside our half. The ball was floated right to the back post and Hempseys man nicked in to score a vital header for the home side. Everyone had given everything in this game and had no more to give after the goal went in. Weirside 3 – 3 Norsemen. 

The ref blew his whistle and the game finished a draw. Tadd was especially annoyed about drawing. It wasn’t what we come to achieve from today’s game but it wasn’t the worst result. Weirside are a very good team. 

Went back to the changing rooms for a shower. Wasn’t the right kind of crowd in the showers to do willy dancing. We had to share them with rugby boys and they are a lot bigger and cooler than football chaps. I’m not saying that they are intimidating; I just didn’t feel like performing for them!

Went to get some grub and Arda suggested we take all the food and go and eat it on our own. That is vintage Arda that is. That boy never fails to surprise me with his deceit and snidyness! Went and ate our sausage and chips and then decide to have a game of spoof. Not before Macca thought it would be ok to have a pop at little Gabriel Ayers. Coupe of people were sick from shock after Macca finished his rant. Bloody Northerners. The loser of spoof not only had to drink a shot, but also had to lie on the floor and let the first 3 people out of the game lay on top of them. The three on top would then take it in turn to say something they disliked about the loser. The first three out were The Chef, Phillip and Tadd. The Chef and Phillip said some pretty harsh things. Tadd is a pansy and just said “I hate war and just hope one day the world can live in harmony”. He is so wet.......

Slowly but surely people leave and in the end it is just Leighton, Tadd, Muzza and myself left. We get some carry outs and walk to the train station. Get drunk and talk about how we are going to go about trying to get promoted. Play some pool in Shoreditch and then spend the next 2 hours getting turned away from bars, because there are too many guys in them already. Brilliant!

Went home and went to bed early.