Alleyn Old Boys vs Norsemen FC
Herne Hill
Saturday 5th February 2011
2:30 KO
Norsemen Find Alleyn Key
Dear Diary,
So......... here we are again. Oh how I have missed you diary. What did I enjoy for breakfast I hear you ask? Well, my lovely lady friend made me some porridge, a cup of tea and a glass of pomegranate and blueberry juice. Not as extravagant as French toast but none the less it filled a hole. This breakfast would later come back to haunt me.
A new year and a new start in the league for Norsemen. Our last league game was back in early November 2010. Unfortunately Hempsey was in Thailand looking for exotic ladies with lumpy throats so the travel arrangements have been handed to Steven “I find football difficult” Ballinger. After 3 emails he managed to get the details right. Bring back NRC. The plan was to meet at Victoria and then get the train to Herne Hill to play football. Thomas decided to drive this
weekend so we had the pleasure of not having to get the train. Instead we played a game of Pro Evolution soccer 2011 in the new flat. I managed to thump Thomas 4-0. This upset him and he decided to blame me for being late. We were the 2nd people at the ground. I think he was just angry he lost and had to try and take it out on me. That is just my opinion and I could be wrong, however I very much doubt it.
As we pull up to the Alleyn ground myself and Thomas pass the majority of the Norsemen lot. Thomas honked them whilst I saluted them with a rude wave of the fist. Macca giggled and Ballers looked sad. Get out of the car and have a big group hug. It is really warm and welcoming. Everyone enjoys this very much. We all pile into a very small changing room and attempt to get changed. Luckily Leroy’s I will be there in 10 minutes actually meant he would be here in 25 minutes and we had the extra space. Saying that he is only a small chap so doesn’t take up that much room. Mordi on the other hand.........
We get changed and run out to the pitch all eager. Within 2 minutes of warming up in the goal Muzza takes a shot from inside the 6 yard box and manages to miss not only the goal but also the massive nets behind the goal to stop the ball going into the gardens behind the goal. Muzza spends the next 20 minutes being scared about climbing over the garden fences and as a result he has to buy a new ball. Whilst Muzza is semi attempting to fetch the ball the rest of the team warm up by standing in the box and trying to convert Tommy Morgan and Steven Ballinger crosses. Not sure who put Ballers out wide to cross the ball in. He got tackled more than once by the imaginary defenders he was trying to beat before scuffing the ball into the box.
We welcomed Tadd Heath back to the squad this week. He seemed a little sheepish in the warm up due to his massive knee. He decided to just run around like a dog off his leash, rather than kick the ball aimlessly into the net with the rest of the team.
After 15 minutes of kicking the ball over the fence we are called back into the teeney weeney changing room by Thomas to go through the team. We lined up as follows:
GK Ballers
LB Muzza
RB Ossie
CB Tajae
CB Reed
LM Tommy Morgan
RM Jarrett
CM Thomas
CM TT
CF Leroy
CF Mordi
Subs
Macca
Taddy Waddy
Despite having 13 Thomas thought it was a wise choice starting Ballers. Personally I thought it was a massive risk but then I guess that is why I am not the manager. I am not ballsy enough to make such a massive call…….
Phillip warms us up with some nice stretching and then some ball exercises. The usual suspects find the later difficult but I will spare their blushes. We then gather round Phillip and sit down and cross our legs, whilst Phil goes through set pieces. Now I am pretty sure Phillip and Thomas go over the team a hundred times before the game. I am 90% sure Phil knew Macca was n the bench, yet he couldn’t help himself mugging Macca off by telling him to go forward for all set pieces. To say the next couple of minutes were awkward would be an understatement.
Thankfully the refs whistle interrupts the tense situation and everyone runs to their positions.
So we kick off and the first thing that is apparent is that Alleyn have Typhoon Yasi behind them. Alleyn start very well and look the more confident of the two teams. They got the ball down and played some neat football around the edge of the Norsemen box. However Norsemen defended extremely well and the extra man in the Alleyn midfield meant there was only 1 up top who found it extremely hard to get anything from Reed and Tajae. Tajae had one of the best games I have seen a Norsemen have this season. Even the ref in the shower said how good our little defender is. This was after Tommy Morgan mugged the ref off about his trainers, not knowing that the ref was under the shower next to him.
About 10 minutes into the game the Alleyn right midfielder fell awkwardly and landed on his hand. It looked like it really hurt to be fair. He decided the best option would be to sit on the ball. Ballers, not really knowing the rules of football (this would explain his style of play) thought it was fair to kick the player to get the ball. We all know it isn’t. The Alleyn player is rightly outraged and karate kicks Ballers. The rest of the Alleyn team kick off and Ballers does his usual of running away from the scene of the crime and tries to plead his innocence. Ballers escapes a booking. 2 minutes later and one of the Alleyn midfielders is booked for kicking the ball away. Seemed a bit harsh.
20 minutes into the game and Jarrett latches on to a lethargic looking Muzza through ball. Jarrett managed to win the ball and drove into the Alleyn penalty area. I would like to say that Jarrett didn’t dive but from where I was standing the keeper was a good 2 foot away from Jarrett as he went down like he had been shot in the back. Needless to say the ref booked Jarrett for diving. To this day Jarrett still pleads his innocence.
10 minutes later and we take the lead. A throw in from the right sees a ball played over to Jarrett who uses his strength and agility to out muscle the Alleyn left back. Jarrett found himself at a tight angle and with a barren spell in front of goal, some would presume low self esteem. However this didn’t seem to affect Jarrett’s nerve as he smashed the ball inside the near post. The fact that Norsemen had a gale force wind blowing against them and still managed to be a goal to the good was a massive morale boost. To say we deserved it would be a bit harsh on Alleyn as they had 70% of the ball in the first half. We knew if we could hold them at bay in the 1st half then the wind would change the game in the 2nd half and we would be able to attack them. To go into half time a goal up must have been a real sucker punch for the Alleyn men.
We had a nice sit down and listened to Thomas and Phillip chat about tactics. I was watching Mordi and Macca try and do keepy ups. They didn’t do very well. I think 3 was their record. Not their strength though....
The ref blew his whistle and the teams took their places once again. Alleyn again started the better of the teams in the second half. To give them credit they have some very good players and shouldn’t be 3rd from bottom. I think a lack of team spirit is their main downfall. After 5 or 10 minutes Norsemen started to get a grip on the game and it was time for the Tajae and Leroy show. Tajae was immense at the back and Leroy caused all sorts of problems upfront. 20 minutes into the second half and Norsemen take a 2 goal lead thanks to little Leroy. A bit of pressure on the right hand side of the pitch by Thomas and Jarrett finds the ball dropping on the right hand corner of the Alleyn box. Leroy only steps up to the plate and smashes it into the top left hand corner. He is a little gem that lad. I have said it from day one. Despite wearing tights to play football, he is a good lad.
The skipper then takes himself off for Tadd. A lot of running was done by the midfield in the first half and some fresh legs were required. Tadd coming back from a knee injury gradually got into the game but didn’t throw himself about like the Taddy Waddy we know and love. A further 5 minutes pass and Norsemen make it 3. Ossie do some good running down the right won a throw in. TT launches one in and Jarrett gets his bonse to the ball. The ball goes up in the air so Muzza steps in and gets his massive head on the ball. The ball drops to Leroy’s feet and he lashes it in.
Reed then makes way for Macca as Norsemen look to keep a clean sheet. We looked very strong at the back despite Tajae going on 4 or 5 late nineties Sol Campbell esq runs up the pitch. Tajae never lost the ball though to be fair to him.
With 10 minutes left on the clock we made it 4-0. Tommy Morgan played the ball to Mordi who showed some explosive pace down the left, beat a couple of players and then passed to Leroy (as he says, but I think he over-ran it). Leroy cut inside on his left foot and curled it passed the keeper. The little chap only went and bagged himself a hat-trick!! Well done him.
We saw out the match and ended victorious. Leroy tried to keep the ball but the ref was having none of it. Don’t normally dish out Man Of The Match awards but if I did Leroy and Tajae would get a joint award today. Have a stretch and then run to the really small changing room for a shower. The meal today was pie and beans. Tajae didn’t like this and went hungry.
Got a lift home with my folks and stayed out of trouble. Don’t know what the rest of the team got up to. I could have a rough guess though.
Ballers would have gone home to Jarrett’s so they can organise their joint wedding. Thomas drove down to Brighton to see his mrs. Tadd got put back on his leash and let to look out the window of the train. Leroy and Tajae drove home listening to Boys II men. Ossie probably drove to Sunderland or somewhere equally far away for a night out. Macca went to a child’s birthday party. Gav Reed drove Mordi back to the door of his flat and then went to a secret rave in a disused organic allotment in Stoke Newington. Tommy Morgan went home to watch casualty. Muzza went to his 2nd job at MacDonalds. Muzza dresses up as Ronald MacDonald for kids parties. He doesn't require a wig. Phillip went home to do the ironing. Now these predictions aren’t 100% factual but in my head they are.
Quickly refering back to the breakfast. It gave me a belly ache and some windy pops.
Good night diary.
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