Norsemen FC vs Alleyn Old Boys
Saturday 5th March
Edmonton
3.00
Alleyn Bring The Wrong Key
Dear Diary,
This week’s adventure starts in the motherland. Woke up in an alien bed with a cat purring in my face. Push the cat away, it doesn’t like this. Traipse downstairs and get myself a bowl of non descript chocolate cereal. This cereal is normally left for when my niece visits my parents house, however as Thomas doesn’t allow anything that has a trace of carbohydrates, fat, sugar, sodium, potassium or anything that is bad for you, into the house, I thought it was only right to get my child’s cereal fix.
Watch an episode of ‘How do they do that’ on Dave whilst Dickie and Jackie go out to run an errand. Dickie and Jackie are my parents. Next on the list of things to do was head to the Mecca of Essex, Lakeside. Had to get a bed didn’t I. Our port of call would be IKEA. Went to buy a bed and ended up buying £250 worth of stuff, including scented candles! I only use candles for power cuts and i bought ones that smell of vanilla and jasmine. Damn you IKEA and your clever marketing and sales techniques. Ended up being a very annoying experience but more of that story later.
Have a nice coffee and to my surprise hear a mother talking to her baby that she has called Tracey. That child has no chance even at such a very young life! Jump in the car and head to Edmonton. Get stuck in traffic and arrive half an hour later. To my surprise I am not the last to turn up. Tajae and Bradley turn up later. I get a tough time off of the others but they are all jerks so it doesn’t really matter.
Start to warm up and one of the older Norsemen members asks Ballers if he has been painting, referring to the fact that he has a lot of grey hair. Ballers bent over and took it. He did a nervous laugh but didn’t come back with a ginger jibe. We in turn all laugh at Ballers for being a b1tch. Warm up a bit more and then Thomas calls us back in to name the team.
GK Bradley
LB Ballers
RB Ossie
CB Macca
CB Tajae
LM Hempsey
RM Thomas
CM Tadd
CM TT
CF Leroy
CF Jarrett
SUBS
Chris Morgan
Steve Morgan
Leighton
Again another strong starting 10. I have no idea how Ballers keeps getting a starting place. Maybe his parents are on the selection committee. Either way, despite the weakness we still looked like a strong team.
We take to the field against an Alleyn team that looked very similar to the one we played a month ago at their place. The conditions this time being a bit kinder to both teams being as the wind was minimal.
Both teams started well. Nobody really had the upper hand and neither keeper was really tested in the opening 20 minutes. Norsemen applied the more pressure but nothing come from this. About half an hour in and the ball fell to Jarretts feet 30 yards from goal. From where I was standing, it looked like Jarrett was going for goal, however is sliced volley fell perfectly at Leroy’s feet who calmly lobbed the onrushing keeper. I am sure Jarrett meant for that ball.... The Alleyn defender got a toe on the goal before crossing the goal line, however as Leroy looked so excited when he scored; we will give him the goal.
Not much else happened in the first half, apart from the ref being very strict and to the letter of the law. He brandished yellow cards willy nilly. I think 4 people were booked in the 1st half.
Went in one goal to the good, not that we deserved it. Thomas didn’t tell us off as much as he did the week before, but he did have a little go. We decided that we needed an early goal and that would hopefully win us the match. Thomas made way for Chris Morgan.
The second half started a bit better than the first half had finished. Norsemen quickly got on top and created a few early chances. I think Hempsey took a corner from the right and swung in a nice ball that Alleyn managed to clear to the edge of the box. The ball eventually found its way back out to Hempsey, who delicately lofted a ball back into the box and on to the beautiful head of Macca. Macca stumbled backwards in an attempt to stop the ball from hitting his beautiful face, however in doing so the ball hit him on the crown of the head and from there the ball nestled into the bottom right hand corner of the goal. Macca did a slide on his knees type celebration. The celebration looked better than his goal. He won’t appreciate me saying that but I speak the truth!
Alleyns heads dropped a bit now. A nice Norsemen passing movement ended up with Hempsey having the ball near the half way line on the far right of the pitch. Hempsey curled a lovely ball round the back of the defence for Leroy to latch on to and neatly slot past the keeper. Best goal of the game. Not sure how many goals that is for the little man now but it is a lot! That lad is dangerous in front of goal and around Dominican women.
Alleyn became increasingly frustrated with the ref. The goalkeeper gave away two free kicks on the edge of his box for handling the ball outside of his box for goal kicks. He was booked for the 2nd one. He felt hard done by, however Dickie told me both decisions were correct by the ref and I would always go by his word.
Finally Ballers made way for Steve Morgan. It surprises me every week how he stays on for so long. I have this theory. Because he is always fleeing the scene of a tackle, people only notice him at half and full time. After he kicks the ball out of play, he runs away and doesn’t give Thomas enough time to sub him.
With 15 minutes remaining Alleyn were awarded a penalty. A bit of a soft one to be honest. The Alleyn forward stumbled in the box and ran into TT. The ref said he was pushed and awarded a penalty. To be fair to the Alleyn penalty taker, it was a good penalty; however Bradley got his fingertips to it. If he had stopped it, then it would have been one of the best penalty saves I have ever seen with my own eyes.
TT then made way for Leighton and Norsemen saw the game out. Alleyn felt a little cheated by the ref, however Norsemen had the better of the play and finished their chances. Alleyn are a good outfit and shouldn’t be where they are in the league. Think they just need a bit of good luck and belief.
Had a shower, but forgot to do the winky dance routine. Have to try and remember that for next week. Went into the club house and saw the old boys. Barry asked to be mentioned in this week’s report so here you are Barry Ayres; this is your 2 seconds of Norsemen fame. Barry is the father of Reggie Ayres. Not only is Barry still better than Reggie at football, he is also more popular.
Got a lift home from the folks and managed to fit the bed into the lift at the flat luckily. Put it in my room to make and discovered it was a king size bed. This would have been ok, but I have a double mattress. What a nob. Got to go back to Lakeside and inevitably have another cup of tea in the presence of Tracey again. Brillifuckingant.
Went round Paulas flat for a house party and got smashed. Tried to win money playing pool, but failed miserably. Thomas turned up with Lou at 10 and we had some champagne. Somebody managed to break the toilet seat. Not sure how. At 3 I went to bed and had a nice dream.
Good night world.
No comments:
Post a Comment