Norsemen FC vs Hale End FC
Edmonton Sports Ground
Sat 6th November
Hale Come To The End Of The Line
Dear Diary,
Another Saturday and another game of footy. Today was to be an early meet due to the clocks going back and today’s game being a cup tie. My lady friend woke me up with French toast today. She is very nice like that. She also gave me a massage on my neck. What a start to my weekend. Before I knew it I was on my way back to the flat to rendezvous with Thomas.
A number of the 1st team are doing Movember this year so Thomas and myself had to make sure of two things before we left.
1. Moustaches were looking tip top
2. We had the camera to take photos of everyone’s tash’s
The moustaches were looking as good as they possibly could after 5 days and we had the camera. Time to leave. We hopped in the car and made the weekly homage to Edmonton. We seem to be at home a lot recently! Nothing really to report from the journey to the game apart from a weird chap in the petrol station. Firstly, he was wearing ladies pyjama bottoms whilst just standing around in the shop. Secondly, it was if a flip switched in his head and he went bonkers, running around the forecourt like a mad man. We quickly got in the car, buckled our seat belts, checked the mirrors, indicated and pulled off in a sensible manor.
Arrived at Edmonton Sports ground and went to meet our chums in the changing room. All the good ones were there. Bit of a shame Ballers decided to turn up early. We had a lovely warm up in our new training tops. Ossie has OI on his training top. This entertains me for hours. Ossie doesn’t find it very funny. Ossie doesn’t find much funny though. In fact the only time I see Os laugh is when Ballers tries to play football.
We line up as follows:
Gk – Jacko
LB – Muzza
RB – Ossie
CB – Gav Reed
CB – Tajae
LM – Hempsey
RM – Gav Morais
CM – Ballers
CM – Tadd
CF – Leeroy
CF – Jarrett
SUBS
James
Mordi
TT
A god looking side to face Hale End who have arrived in their pretty little green outfits. Hale End are having a decent season in the AFC Division 1. The AFC is the sister league to the SAL.
Kick off
Neither team starts particularly well but Norsemen manage to create a few half chances with Ballers going close with an early drive. Some more half chances come and go for Norsemen. With all the half chances we are having I decide it is safe to go and kick the ball around behind the goal with James and Mordi, thinking we will definitely score soon. The opposite happens and we concede. Not sure what happened really as I wasn’t paying much attention. All I saw was Jacko palming a cross/shot out and the striker nodding the ball into an empty net.
Norsemen then play terrible for the rest of the first half. Hale End have a couple more chances but end up going in 1-0 up at half time. As I went to walk into the changing room at half time I was told to stay on the pitch with Neil and James and kick the ball around. Because of this I cant tell you what was said at half time. Soz.
Hale end choose to stay out on the pitch at half time. Norsemen come out in drips and drabs for the second half and they look like they have been told off! Rightly so as well. Too many lacklustre performances in the 1st half.
The half time rollicking seems to have done the trick and Norsemen start the second half with a bit of purpose. Ballers is moved out to right mid and Gav Morais moves into centre midfield. We start to put some nice moves together and about 15 minutes into the half we are rewarded. A neat move down the right hand side of the pitch sees Leeroy lay off a lovely ball to Hempsey who with his rapey tash strokes a lovely effort high into the goal. “yessssssss” is the shout from Thomas.
I knew at this point that we had the game in our hands and went to play football tennis with Mordi. We used the rope around the pitch. It was very fun and it kept us entertained for at least 10 minutes. Mordi was giggling with glee for the first 5 minutes. I did manage to catch a glimpse of Norsemen’s second goal. A corner/free kick was swung into the danger zone. Jarrett who decided he wanted to play in the second (dont think he fancied it in the first half) got his noggin on the cross and headed goal wards. I believe Gav Morais got the final touch. Jarrett runs off celebrating the goal but we all know it was Gav who got the final touch.
Shortly after this Ballers was involved in a nasty clash of heads. The verdict was he was concussed and would have to come off. He said he was fine. A good tactical move from Thomas though as Ballers is finding this football thing harder and harder each week. Coleman comes on in Centre midfield and Gav Morais moves back out to the right.
2 minutes later and Norsemen have their 3rd goal. Norsemen are awarded a freekick on the left hand side of the pitch. Hempsey takes the kick and whips in a smashing little ball to the far post. Leeroy nicks in unmarked at the back post and slots into the unguarded net. At this point Hale End concedes defeat. Norsemen’s second half performance has deserved victory. With 10 minutes to go Jarrett and Leeroy make way for James and Mordi. Both teams have a couple of half chances. The final whistle is blown and Norsemen win 3 goals to 1. The back 4 for Norsemen have all had solid games today with Tajae standing out as man of the match.
Do a half hearted warm down and then walk to the changing room. A few nerves start to kick in as it is now the time for people to show off their Willy dance routines that we have all spent the whole week choreographing! Muzza probably gets the nod for best dance with the self titled ‘Go for it’ routine.
I am annoyed for two reasons for leaving the club house early today:
1) Radio saying to Muzza “you were sh1t today Muzza”
2) Radio offering a suggestion to why Tadd isn’t partaking in Movember “is it because it too rough when you head downstairs on your girlfriend”. Not the kind of suggestion expected but a suggestion none the less.
Whilst Radio is offering up his pearls of wisdom in the club house I am sitting on the 149 bus with Mordi. When I get back home I then trek down to Fulham and then trek all the way back up to Shoreditch. A lot of time spent on public transport today!
Just a quick rundown of the nights highlights:
· Somebody got trapped in the doors of the 149 and the driver pulled off, claiming not to have seen the person. Eventually the driver stops and the woman goes fing mental! Bit awkward having to sit there and listen. Even more awkward was I was on the phone to somebody at the time and I completely stopped listening to the person on the phone in order to listen to the woman going mental. I think they hung up in the end.
· At the party I went to in Fulham I had the following conversation with my lady friend:
Paula “I wish I had a shotgun with one bullet”
Me “why?”
Paula “Because I know who I would use it on”
Me “Where would you shoot them?”
Paula *Points to middle of the head*
Me “Who would you shoot”
Paula *Points to person standing on chair blowing toy instrument as hard and loud as humanly possible*
Me “ok”
(Note to self, don’t blow toy instruments loudly near Paula)
· Nearly got turned away from an eighties themed bar for wearing trainers. Most people in the club were wearing trainers, including the bar staff......
· Took about 3 hours to get home, despite the fact that from Holborn we were on a bus which defied the laws of physics by the speed it was travelling. For love nor money I can’t tell you how that bus didn’t topple when it went round corners.
Got home about 2 and went to bed. End of.
Good night world
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