Alexandra Park FC vs Norsemen FC

Alexandra Park FC vs Norsemen FC

Saturday 18/09/2010

Alexandra Park

Warm and stuffy

Alexandra Fail To Crack Norse Code

Dear Diary

Woke up today and got straight into dismantling a wardrobe. I thought to myself “this is the life, where could it possibly go from here.” Life went to the front room from there and to a flat pack chair. I was rewarded for my efforts with a lovely cooked breakfast. As soon as the breakfast was consumed I made my way to meet the gaffer for breakfast club. We discussed the game over a lovely glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and then decided the only way to choose subs was to ask our female company to pick the person with the most offensive name to start on the bench. It turns out Ballers is less offensive than Muzza.... On the walk home I bought some Oranges and then managed to get said female company to chop them into eights and pop them in a bag. These would be consumed later.

I packed my bag, got in Thomas car and off we set for what would be a lovely drive to Alexandra Park. Of course we got lost a little bit and ended up driving past Alexandra Palace 5 times before actually finding the entrance to Narnia, err I mean Alexandra Park FC. A signpost could be seen as a useful tool to help people find the ground. Just putting it out there. The time spent looking for the ground gave us the chance to view London in all its glory from the Palace more than once. I enjoyed this.

Finally managed to find the ground and on doing so saw Phil, Jack, Tajae and Macca sitting in their cars and not talking to each other. Me and Thomas got out and greeted everyone. Got a ball out and started doing some circus tricks with it. Muzza turned up with James so I decided to kick the ball at his car. I enjoyed this a lot. Muzza didn’t. Muzza has the last laugh when he kicks the ball towards my balls. He misses but it still hurts. I try to act like it didn’t hurt, but he can see he got me good.

What do you know, NRC turns up by foot. He probably just walked from his beloved train station. David is a bit like the Little Mermaid. If he is out of the “water” (train station) for too long then he flaps around like a dying fish. David has turned to the bottle to try to get over this constant plague of responsibility of returning to the trains. He is a smashing little northern lad but I am getting worried he is becoming more and more like Gazza every day. He has so much to offer on the pitch, however the drink is affecting his game and state of mind. I personally think he needs help but that is just between you and me diary.

Slowly but surely everyone turns up and we have a brief game of crossbar challenge. That is until the home team kick us off the pitch so that they can warm up their keeper. Bit harsh to be honest but it gives us all a chance to go and put on our lovely blue uniforms. Gav Morais turns up last as Hempsey gives him slightly wrong directions. Funny though as it meant he had to cycle to the top of the hill. He must be knackered as he puts his socks (which are clearly marked L and R) on the wrong feet. This may have something to do with some misses later in the game.....

We warm up and then Thomas tells us the team:

GK          Jacko

RB           Ballers

CB           Tajae

CB           Macca

LB           Muzza

RM         Ossie

CM         Tadd

CM         Coleman

LM          Hempsey

CF           Morrais

CF           Jarrett

Subs:

Arda

Thomas

We line up against the new boys to the league. They have lovely bright orange uniforms on.

15.00 – The game kicks off. Truth be known Alexandra Park start a lot more vibrantly than Norsemen. It takes Norsemen 15 minutes to get up to speed in the game and by this point Alexandra Park have already gone 1-0 up. Muzza went for a wee off the pitch and left their Right midfielder with acres of space. The Alexandra Park chap composed himself nicely as he had so much time and dispatched a nice finish in off the left hand post. We all start to moan at each other, somehow Muzza gets off very lightly....

When we decide to turn up and start playing we actually start to play some nice stuff. NRC’s hangover has sent in yet and he puts in some good runs down the left flank. Our way back into the game come from a delightful 6 or 7 pass move down the right. The ball eventually fell to Jarretts feet who took a first time shot from the edge of the area. The ball hit both posts and crossed the line. A huge weight was the lifted off of Norsemen’s shoulders and we continued to play some lovely football.

Our second goal came shortly after from the head of Mr Jarrett. Muzza used his trusty left foot to swing in a corner. He takes all our corners from the right. Not because he is a dead ball specialist but because he is the only person who can kick the ball with his left foot in the team. Anyway, back to the goal. Jarrett found himself unmarked on the edge of the 6 yard box. He decided to utilise this chance and headed home. Alexandra Park 1 – 2 Norsemen.

Our third goal came 5 minutes later when Tadd went on a mission down the right flank and crossed in a sublime ball. Gav Morais found himself unmarked in the area and managed to dispatch a gorgeous header back across the keeper and into the right hand side of the net. Well done Tadd and Gavin.

Ossie didn’t like what was going on and decided to take things into his own hands. An Alexandra Park move was broken down by the Norsemen midfield and the ball was passed back to Muzza. Muzza in turn passed to Tajae who in turn found Ossie. Ossie didn’t fancy ‘getting rid’ and as a result played around with the ball too long. The little forward for Alexandra robbed Ossie of the ball and then miss hit a shot over Jacko who had slipped on the way out to close the onrushing striker. Alexandra Park 2 – 3 Norsemen.  

All was fine again just before half time. Norsemen won another corner. Our only left footed player scuffed a corner to the near post. Ballers managed to fool the player marking him with a cheeky dummy. The ball then hit Tadd on his pigeon chest and somehow ended up in the back of the net. Paul Jarrett kicked the ball once it had crossed the line and tried to claim the goal to complete his hat-trick. We all saw through his lies and awarded Tadd with the goal. That was a hard decision to make as it would have meant Jarrett would have had to get in a hat-trick jug.

15.45 – Half time. We had our little oranges and kind of listened to what people had to say. It was a hot day though so I spent most of my half time asking people “isn’t it hot.” To which most of the people would nod to. Some people just ignored me. They are spiteful.

16.00 – We kick off for the second half with an air of confidence. Both teams play some nice football. I think Jarrett and their blonde centre back for Alexandra Park got on really well. For some reason they kept on hugging each other. Maybe they were playing run outs/ had/ kiss chase. Whatever game they were playing, there was a lot of flirting going on. It was a beautiful thing.

A lot of chances came and went. In particular Gav Morais had a couple of efforts one on one with the keeper. He decided he didn’t fancy scoring any more goals as he hadn’t bought enough money along to buy a hat-trick jug. Because of this reason and only this reason, Gav kicked the ball miles over the bar on both occasions.

16.20 – Norsemen extend their lead. Coleman headed a corner clear that luckily fell to Morais feet. He sprayed a ball out wide to Ossie. Coleman carried on his run. Ossie started running with the ball and then out of the corner of his eye he spotted Coleman still running. A bit like Forrest Gump running across the American Football pitch from the bad guys. Ossie crossed a sublime ball which Coleman lunged for and poked into the empty the net. I think the Alexandra Park goalkeeper miss-judged the flight of the ball and looked like he was chasing chickens instead of playing football. Ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ai.

NRC’s hangover started to really kick in about now and as a result he found controlling the ball very difficult. We all smiled about it and told him to keep his chin up. He got a ribbing for this later. Serves the little Northern chap right for getting drunk. Maybe he will think twice next time before going on a Friday night bender.  

Pearson replaced Ballers and Arda replaced Hempsey to add some fresh legs.

16.40 – Macca makes an early shout for off-side. The Alexandra Park forward was a good visible 5 yards on side. The Alexandra Park forward hesitates as he thinks the ref may call him for off-side. He then runs twice around Macca to make sure he is on side. Macca doesn’t fancy getting back for the through ball. The Alexandra Park forward despatches a neat finish into the roof of the net. The Norsemen midfield probably gets the blame for not closing down the aimless ball sent forward. Alexandra Park 3 – 5 Norsemen.

16.42 – Gav Morais is recklessly hacked down on the edge of the area for which the Alexandra Park defender is booked for. Thomas picks up the ball with an air of confidence.  Everyone can see the area that the Alexandra Park goalkeeper has left unattended. I am pretty sure Thomas saw it too. Thomas has other ideas though. He takes a nice run up to the ball and then smashes it miles past the goal and into the long grass. He is a sly one that Thomas. He was only trying to waste a bit of time wasn’t he. Clever b@stard. Any other amateur would have gone for goal.

16.45 – The ref gives his whistle a good toot and Norsemen are victorious. Alexandra Park started the better team but over all I feel Norsemen were the better team and deserved the victory.

7 of us go to the local pub after the game and watch Arsenal bottle it. Hempsey was able to be there as the pub was situated across the road from the train station. Every 20 minutes he would pop over there to get his fix and then run straight back.

Jarrett and I got the train back to Kings Cross to see our plus ones. Problem is Jarrett had to dress as a nun and he was less than pleased about this. I was eaves dropping his phone conversation and heard him say “if I look stupid then I am just going to go home.” I ended up at a house party that was way above my mental attitude level. The house was spotless, people would talk about the environment and politics and there was nobody being sick on themselves. It was a laugh though. Got absolutely smashed and walked back along the canal to bed.

Good night world.