Tuesday 15th September 2009
Another glorious day in London Town. Woke up at 8 O’clock on the dot to make a cup of tea for Thomas as punishment for losing Pro Evo the previous night. Probably got stitched up somewhere along the way. Had myself a little shower and ironed my shirt whilst wearing just a pair of pants. Bit miserable outside but hey this is Shoreditch, anything can happen on my 5 minute walk to work. Whilst ironing I spotted a couple of yummy mummies walking their kids to school. Made me feel good about myself. Thomas said goodbye and jumped in his cab and I set off to work.
9:12
Strolled into work. Had some 2 minute microwave porridge with a dollop of strawberry jam for breakfast. Lovely stuff.
9.30
Pretended to do work until 14:00.
14:00
Walked to Waitrose and purchased a Covent Garden chicken soup, a Waitrose strawberry yoghurt and a submarine roll.
14:36
Consumed all of above.
15:00
Wrote some emails and had a chat. Pretended to work until 17:30.
17:32
Walked back in the rain to 5 Drysdale street. Attempted to pleasure myself. Thomas walked into the flat. I jumped up and pretended nothing was going on. Luckily Thomas walked the long way round to the kitchen and I had sufficient time to change websites on the laptop and put my old boy back in my pants. Lucky escape.
18:30
Lowered myself into Thomas’ sports mobile and was looking forward to hitting warp speed all the way to Edmonton sports ground.
19:40
Finally arrived in Edmonton after sitting in traffic for a good hour. Had some deep and meaningful chats with Thomas. The subjects ranging from Global Economics to the lowest rating bird Thomas would sleep with. Turns out it was a 1. However after a conversation this morning in which a tramp was entered into the equation, Thomas has changed his mind to a four and a half.
19.41
Boots are on and training is on.
Line up is as follows
Macca
Muzza
Hempsey
Jacko (Absent for the first half. Normally this would be because this is the part when most of the running is done. Turns out he was trying to crack onto the female physio. All was going swimmingly until his phone started to ring and some awful song was blared out in place of a normal ring tine. At this point he decided to join us.)
Ryan
Chris Morgan
Tom Morgan
Pat Morgan
Thomas P
Taddy Waddy
Jo Morris
Ross James Coleman
Phil
Mick
Reggie was gagging to show up, However he had just had some new horse shoes attached and for this reason he was left in his stable. The official reason stated was that his shoes cost 50 notes a hoof and his owners didn’t want to take the risk of his new shoes rusting. Fair play I say.
Despite the torrential rain and low turnout training commenced at 19:45.
After a nice leisurely jog around the cricket pitch, Pat decided it would be a good idea to have a nice little sprint on the spot. Everyone thought yeah why not, 10 seconds sprint on the spot has never hurt anybody. What they didn’t know was that Pat kept us sprinting on the spot for what seemed like 20 minutes. At the end I heard Macca being sick on the cricket crease. My legs felt like jelly and all I wanted to do was to go home.
We then did some rubbishy ball exercises. My personal highlight was not throwing the ball to Muzza. He didn’t like it one bit. Whilst running around I saw that I wasn’t the only person not to throw him the ball .This makes me smile!
Then the moment that everyone had been waiting for. The teams were picked for a lovely little game of two and three touch football. The captains were chosen. Thomas P the red captain and Pat Morgan the Blue captain. Everyone else lined up against the wall and just hoped they wouldn’t be picked last.
Pat to pick first.
Pat-“I have decided to go with experience and have chosen Taddy Waddy.”
Tad-“YES” (he sticks his fingers up at everyone as he runs off to hug Pat)
Toms pick.
Tom-“I think I will go with an ex team captian so I will pick Hempo.”
Hempo-“Yey” (runs down the line giving everyone a high ten. Everyone ignores him and Macca sticks his leg out to trip him up.)
Pats pick.
He choose blood and goes for little Chris Morgan.
Toms pick.
He takes pitty on the new guy and picks Ryan.
Pats pick.
He chooses Jo.
Toms Pick.
He is thinking to himself how is he going to win the game and decides to go for a bit of flair and picks Tommy Morgan.
Pats Pick.
Thinking to himself that he can win it if his team doesn’t concede so opts for a unit at the back in the shape of Mark Jackson.
Toms Pick.
Goes for a bit of quality and picks Ross James Coleman
Pats Pick.
Down to the last two!
Pat-“Can we just have subs?”
Phil-“I know what you mean these two aren’t great but they have turned up so give them a chance.”
Pat-“oh for f@ck sake. Ok I will go for the better of the two. Macca.”
Toms Pick.
Tom-“I am off mate. I don’t want to play if I have to play with that ginger w@nker.”
Muzza-“I am here, I can hear you.”
Tom-“sorry mate no offense. You are an average bloke, its just that I take time out of my life to turn up to this training and then I have to play with lesser players. I am not happy about this. How comes Pat got to pick first? Can we start again?”
Phil-“Come on mate. Just put him at the back and when the blues kick it off he can go and get the ball.”
Muzza-“I am still here and can still hear everything you are saying. Unbelievable.”
The atmosphere at training turned for the worse at this point. However the reds convinced Thomas to accept Muzza and the game got underway.
15 seconds after kick off and the reds are one up. Some lovely movement by Tommy M and Ryan gifted Hempsey a tap in. Chants of “Easy Easy Easy” were heard from some of the Red bibbed players. Within a minute the reds were leading by two goals to nil. Some would say it was Easy. Personally I just think it was too easy, not even a challenge. Blues began to get wound up by the easy chants and their heads dropped. Reds started to play total football and at some points champagne football. Tommy Morgan enjoying himself so much that he forgot to shoot on target and missed an open goal.
At this point the game got ugly and some rascal challenges started flying about. Little Chrisy Morgan decided enough was enough and took his frustration out on the red captain with a two foot lunge. Chris took a 15 yard run and then slid for 5 meters before clipping Thomas’ ankle. Savage is the only words I have in my vocabulary to describe the event. Thomas hit the deck clutching his ankle.
Phil-“Right no more sliding tackles lads.”
The no sliding tackle rule lasted for all of 20 seconds. All I can say is that for me sliding across wet grass is fun. I like it. I did it a lot.
If memory serves me well I think the blues managed to get on the score sheet twice.
At the end of the day the reds outclassed the blues and were deserved champions. After training Muzza took me by the hand and made me do a slide with him across the cricket pitch on my stomach. This was fun. What was more fun was watching Jacko do the same. The area he slid on was bone dry after he completed his slide due to him displacing all of the water on the cricket pitch. Fun over. Thanks Mark!!!
I think we all enjoyed ourselves, even Muzza after the whole team picking fiasco.
Correct me if I am wrong but that was probably the best training session ever taken place t Norsemen. You must be kicking yourself if you missed it!
After training I had a shower with Thomas and then got back into his sports car. Thankfully we had a clear drive home. On the way back our conversations ranged from complex Physics to would you do the bird in the green trousers at the bus stop. FYI the answer was yes and yes.
When the Porche edged its way into Dalston Thomas put in a good shout of getting some grilled meats. However due to our gripping conversation the turning for the grilled meats takeaway was missed. Thomas had to perform a 3 point turn in the middle of a surprisingly quiet Dalston highstreet. He had a good 20 seconds to perform this simple task. I think he knew this and was over confident in his driving abilities. As a result he stalled it and we nearly got hit by a truck.
Pulled up at said grilled meats joint. Walked in, ordered what turned out to be a bloody lovely meal and sat down for a chat. I think we talked about work and war. Midway through our deep and meaningful conversation, a chap behind on sitting on his own butted in and asked Thomas who his favorite artist (music) was. Thomas replied with Justin Timberlake and the delightful chap responded with “I have two favorites. Stevie Wonder and Aretha Franklin. I have met Aretha Franklin in the street. She shock me by the hand.”
Tom-“That’s nice.”
At this point a black guy walks into the takeaway joint. If I was forced to describe which famous person he most looks like then I would say Lenny Henry.
Delightful Chap- From out of nowhere “ You look like Barry White.”
Lenny Henry-“Do i?”
DC-“Yeah I have met Barry White and you look just like him.”
LH-“I don’t think I do mate. I think you need your eyes tested.”
DC-“Have you ever met him? I have and you look like Barry White.”
LH- Walks off.
We collected our eats, climbed back into the sports machine and whizzed back to Shoreditch.
Got back into the flat, ate our food (which was spot on), re-hydrated ourselves, had a cuddle on the sofa and watched the champion league highlights.
My last memory of Tuesday 15th September 2009 was being challenged to a game of Pro Evo 2009 by Thomas, the winner getting a cup of tea off of the loser at 8 O’ Clock the following morning. It was decided that we play a champions league final match so that we got lots of ticker tape and music when our teams entered the field of play. Thomas chose to play with Manchester United and I chose Inter Milan.
Thomas kicked off and within 10 minutes I was horribly let down by one of my defenders who decided it would be better to head the ball in his own net, than let it run off for a goal kick. Cheers!
Not to worry, within 15 minutes I was back in the game, thanks in part to some sloppy defending by the Manchester back four. They allowed Zanetti to pick up the ball and waltz through the majority of the opposing team and slot the ball into the top corner. The crowd went mental.
Half time. Thomas was looking nervous and had positioned his buttocks on the very edge of his seat.
Second half.
Inter kick off and manage to go ahead in the 60ish minute. Sloppy goal so nothing to really be told. Thomas’ head went down and he looked like a beaten man.
93rd minute. Two words for you. Stitch Up! Thomas threw everything forward. 3 men minimum offside. Rooney in the box. Perfect challenge by Matterazzi. Penalty given. Fuming I was. Giggs pops it in off of the left post. Still cant believe it now as I am writing this how badly I got stitched up.
Nothing happens in extra time.
Penalties.
Thomas wins 4-3.
Thomas decides he has ridden his luck a bit too much today and cries off to bed, refusing a re-match. I have a little sulk and go to bed for a hows your father.
Tuesday 15th September 2009 complete.
I have done close to no work today as a result of this report.
Ross James Coleman
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