Norsemen FC vs Old Parkonians FC

Norsemen FC vs Old Parkonians FC

Saturday 25^th September

Grocers Pitch

Norsemen Give Park A Hyding

Dear Diary,

Guess what I did this morning (apart from waking up), that’s right I made some more flat pack furniture. I think I could get a job at IKEA with the skills I have recently picked up. There are no cardboard boxes left now so this could be an end to me having to use the ‘bloody bloke’ skills that my dad passed down to me. Although the skills that he has are much better than mine. When he was a young gent I am pretty sure he could have chopped down a tree and made a cabinet from said fallen tree. What I need today is a physics degree to understand the instructions of a flat pack IKEA bed frame. Anyhow back to matters in hand. I short walk to the Grocers and I found Thomas just finishing his breakfast. I sat down with my plus 1 and had a lovely eggs Benedict. When I say lovely it was top notch. Finished that, climbed into Thomas’ car and zoomed off to footy.

Arrived at Edmonton Sports ground a little sleepy if I am going to be honest with you. Saw NRC walking into the car park. Gave him a quick beep and he sh1t himself. This firstly made me feel good about myself and secondly woke me up somewhat. Walked into the changing room and saw all my chums. We had a nice group hug and then started kicking balls aimlessly at the broken bin again. We all missed. Some burke turned the shower on again with a wild shot and I got wet once again. Got changed whilst asking NRC train times. Macca did the honours with the music this week. A bit of Michael Jackson was played (I think it was Heal the world). Jacko and Tajae really feel the beat and have a private sing along. Macca then showed his spiteful side and stopped the music because he wanted to put his phone away. We all sat in silence. I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive Macca for what he did. No apology, nothing, just a smug little midland grin.

Was nice not having Ballers about this week. He was off at some civil partnership in Morocco or something like that. I wasn’t really listening when he told me why he wouldn’t be at football.   

So the team lined up as follows:

GK Jacko

RB Ossie

CB Tajae

CB Macca

LB Muzza

LM Hempsey

CM Tadd

CM Coleman

RM Pearson

CF Jarrett

CF Leon

Subs

Ross Davies

Arda

We had a nice little warm up and then just stood around for 5 minutes, whilst watching Old Parks warm up. They were good at warming up.

15.00 – Kick off

Both teams got off to a frantic start. Norsemen probably having more joy in the opening encounters. Leon and Jarrett both looked very dangerous upfront and causing the Old Parks defence so problems. Up the other end Old Parks were giving as good as they got. Jacko made two world class saves. The first coming from a great shot from just outside the penalty area. Jacko scrambled across his goal and got a strong wrist to a shot that was creeping in the far post. The second was a one on one from a Macca mistake. Jacko got down and saved well to his right again. Just going to quickly go back to Maccas mistake. You would have thought he would have learnt from his mistake in the last home game. You thought wrong. He dilley dallied on the ball for too long and was tackled by the Old Parks striker. Luckily Jacko was in goal. Just get rid Macca!!!! Again after the play had broken down Macca looked upset with the telling off he was receiving from most people. He had the face of a 5 year old girl that has just been told off for putting super glue in her brother’s hair. Again he doesn’t like being told off. Hopefully he will learn this time..........

Back to the game and after a couple of great chances for Leon a goal is scored. A cracking little move led to Tadd steaming into the left hand side of the box. Tadd unleashed a great left foot strike which the keeper got down well to but could only palm it into Leon’s path who in turn composed himself and lashed it into the net. Norsemen 1 -0 Old Parkonians.

Half time comes and I feel Norsemen had the better of the first half, with the attack causing a lot of problems. Saying that, Old Parkonians hadn’t been out played by any stretch of the imagination and were still well and truly in this game.

Norsemen started the second half spritely and within 5 minutes had stretched their lead to 2. Ossie played a nice ball down the right to which Jarrett latched on to. Jarrett laid a sumptuous ball back to Thomas who in turn swung in a cracking cross to Leon. Leon knocked the ball down to Tadd and on the half volley, Tadd placed the ball in the corner of the net. Delightful goal.

Old Parkonians picked up their game after the goal and started to find a bit more freedom in the middle of the park. A needless foul by the Norsemen defence saw Old Parks being awarded a free kick on the edge of the Norsemen box. The resulting free kick was hit extremely well and was very unlucky not to go in. Instead the ball hit the bar. The ball was then involved in a bit of scramble, eventually being blasted over.

Shortly after this scare Old Parks managed to get on the score sheet themselves. What looked to be a harmless ball over the top was latched on to by the lively striker and with the Norsemen defence and keeper at 6’s and 7’s, the ball was lobbed over the onrushing keeper and into an empty net. Game on.

The away side then had a bit of joy all round the pitch. The ball was played out to the Parks right winger who swung in a lovely cross. The cross was met by Macca who to be fair had done a good job with keeping the Old Parks striker quiet during the game. Macca rarely likes doing the easy thing. Instead of clearing the ball first time, Macca decided to play a one two with the post and then thump the ball away. It takes a lot of guts to pull off such a move in your own box but hats off to the brave man who tries it. Ballers would have just kicked it in his own net and be done with it. That is Ballers style though.

After this scare, Norsemen bucked up their ideas and started to get back on top of the game. We won a freekick just inside the Parks half. Tom and Muzza both stood over the ball, debating who should take it. I think their conversation went a bit like this:

Muzza “Tom”

Tom “Yes Muzza”

Muzza “Have you been working out?”

Tom “I have actually”

Muzza “You look a million bucks”

Ref “Lets hurry it up boys”

Muzza “I have never told you this Tom but I think the world of you”

Tom “Muzza you are really putting me off mate. I am trying to take this freekick and all I can think about is you”

Muzza “Yep no you are totally right mate. Shall i get in there and get my big head on the end of your kick?”

Tom “Yes mate. Go and stand near Coleman and I will pick you two out”

Muzza “Anything you say mate. Give me a minute as it takes me a while to get there”

Tom “Sure thing”

Muzza runs off and Tom kicks it straight to the oppo. Muzza has no chance of getting back into position.

Thomas makes way for Arda and Leon makes way for Ross Davis.

The harder Old Parks go searching for the equalising goal, the more gaps they leave and this eventually leads to Norsemens third and the final sucker punch. Not sure who crossed it in from the right, lets say Hempsey for arguments sake. The ball finds Jarrett at the far post who has a shot, it is blocked or saved and then bounces across the goal line. Ossie steams in and heads the ball home. Jarrett insists it was his goal but Ossie claims the ball was bouncing wide. I have decided to believe Ossie as Jarrett wouldn’t look me in the eye when he was trying to convince me that it was his goal . It wasn’t the best looking goal but they all count.

Final score Norsemen 3 – 1 Old Parkonians. I feel Norsemen deserved the win overall but Old Parks played very well in patches. They are a nice bunch of lads and it is only a matter of time before they start racking up wins.

After the game “The Chef” had a shower with the guys. I think he had heard about the naked exotic dancing that goes on in the shower and he felt like he wanted to be part of it. We all go into the clubhouse and get smashed. It is then decided we make a pilgrimage to Shoreditch and to the Nelsons retreat for some pool and juke box action. I dont remember much as I replaced food with beer.

Meet up with chums from the motherland and then head to a house party in trendy Shoreditch. At this point I am so drunk that I just about manage to stay conscious. I manage a little of something that resembles dancing and then ask if i can be put to bed.

Note to self – eat something after football.