First XI Player Profiles

Norsemen player profiles

Mark “Jacko” Jackson: Spurs

Likes to think of himself as the modern day Tim Westwood. Mark keeps nets for Norsemen FC. On his day Jacko is a top-notch keeper, one of the best in the league.

Steven “Ballers” Ballinger: Arsenal

Steven is one of the veterans of the team, having played for the 1’s for 7 or 8 years. Mr Versatile has played in almost every position, I think the lack of attributes for one certain position aids the decision to keep moving him around. His big character and lion like bravery makes up for any lack in footballing ability.

Nick “Muzza” Murray: Liverpool

Muzza only lacks one thing in his game, pace. Apart from that he hasn’t got much of a right foot, a lack of aerial dominance, he has no skill and lacks a large cool head in front of goal. Apart form that he is a lovely lad….. Muzza is in charge of the social committee.

Jamie “Macca” MacAlister: Derby

What a gorgeous man. Jamie is a centre back by trade. His roots lie in Derby. The punishment for this is his annoying voice. You don’t get many people on tv or radio with a Derbyshire accent. That’s all I am going to say.

David “NRC” Hempsey: Middlesbrough

David is a smiley man. David has an impressive football cv having played for the league representative side and the Middlesbrough supporters team. David’s hobbies outside of football are trains and numbers. He is the closest thing we have to the rain man.

 

Tadd “Tadd” Heath: Spurs

Tadd is naturally gifted at football. He is an excitable little chap, a bit like a little lap dog. You show Tadd a paper clip and he will find something amazing about it. Tadd works with big hunky firemen.

 

Thomas “Pearo” Pearson: Norwich

Thomas is the gaffer. Thomas likes fast women and fast cars.  He is a devotee of the power position.

Ross “Ting Tong” Coleman: Southend

Ross is probably the best footballer at Norsemen football club. He keeps getting comments like “you are the best” and “why do you play way below your level”. Basically what it comes down to is Ross is a humble man and he likes playing with his friends. He is a great guy.

Neil “Mordi” Mordi: Arsenal

Neil is a crackling little player when his head and heart are in the right place. If they aren’t then he has a negative effect on the team……

Richard “Reg” Ayres: Spurs

Reg is probably the longest serving Norsemen of all time. He is the only member of the team who’s father is more popular than him. The animal that Reg resembles closest is the horse. He has a similar gallop to Red Rum.

Joe “ “ Morris: Newcastle

Joe is the team’s narcotics specialist. He is also the team jester. Funny but useless at football. His personality allows him to get away with being slow and technically inept. 

Gavin "Morais" Morais:

This is Gavins second time around for Norsemen. He is a muscular gentleman. Gav enjoys running, jumping and throwing.





Paul "Jarrett" Jarrett:

Paul is a new member to the team this year. He is a really good footballer. Strong and brave just like Tom Selleck in three men and a little lady.

 

Leeroy "Leeroy" Lungha:

Leeroy is the fans favourite. He is a smashing little lad who happens to be quite handy at punting the ball in the back of the net. Doesn't like to stretch before a game and as a result pulls his groin a lot and has to be subbed. Selfish! 

Tajae "Taj" Ferguson:

Tajae is a product of the Norsemen youth system, much like Jacko and Arda. He is solid as a rock. 




Arda "Arda" Illguy:

Another ex youth team player, arda is a striker and a winger by trade. He likes chatting in funny gangsta talk with Jacko in the pre match warm up. Kids these days.....



Osman "Os" Ibrahim: Spurs

Os had a brief period away from the club but has since come crawling back.... he has the same face as David Haye but that is as far as the similarities go. Os is good at football. Os knows the location of Londons best kebab but doesn't let on to where it is.

Phil "Jacko Snr" Jakson: Spurs

Jacko Snr is our coach. A bloody good one at that. Received a nomination for Noresmen of the year last year. I would have given it to him but sadly I don't pick who wins it. Such is life.

James "The Chef" Owen: Arsenal

James was once part of the Crouch End Vampires. He has since seen the light and joined Norsemen. James is currently injured so has taken up the role of fitness coach. He makes us do some really weird things but i for one am starting to lose my fatty back deposits for which i will thank "The Chef" for. 

Dan "Cairrao" Cairrao: Crystal Palace

Dan is normally the trusty left back for the 2's. This year with Muzza having to take time off, because his head was getting tto big, Daniel has covered. He has a lovely smooth head and an equally lovely left foot. Likes to think of himself as a deadball specialist. This specialisation hasn't been witnessed in the 2010/2011 season.


Leighton "Little Leighton" Hill: Gillingham

 Leighton is a smashing lad. Was drafted in from St Albans way. Leighton has plenty of stories about his friends in the far east. Leighton is like a little ox on the pitch. Like Gav Morais, Leighton also enjoys running, jumping and throwing.

Bradley "Billy Bob"Rosendale: Arsenal

Brdley is a friend of the Norsemen youth in the 1's. Bradley came in for cover after Mark thought it would be a good idea to get banned for 2 months. Bradley doesnt like running, jumping or throwing but he does like vests. Bradley shares the inbetweener car with Arda.